Friday, January 27, 2012

Short Story: Enigma

Sorry for not posting her for a few days, I have been writing, just not blogs.   So without further ado, I would like to introduce my short story that I wrote, called: Enigma.


Things were different. They were always different. When she came into that room, she always got a different reaction. Tends to happen when you have the weight of the world on your shoulders for more than one reason. Still, it was strange for them to all look at her in such uniformity. She didn't understand what was so different about today. They all had different looks to her based on the mission but they never looked like this.

As she reached the desk and typed her username and password onto the computer as the guard stood there and made sure that she did it, she noticed them still staring. That was unnerving. She pushed enter as she keyed the last character on her password and it and nothing came up. Not even an error message. That couldn't be right. She got permission from the guard to log off and do it again as he mechanically set it for another shot for today. Still there was nothing on that computer for her. She called him over again as she showed him the screen. He'd never seen such a thing. “Don't move.” He ordered strangely, but she knew better than to argue with a guard in this room. She'd heard about people who had done that, but no one ever saw them again.

He went over to the side of the room and went out of the door and as it whooshed behind him, it locked again. She sat with her posture stick straight in the chair and awaited his return. They were still staring at her from the high windows. She looked at them back. And now that she looked at them, she was curious. It seemed like there was bigger group than normal.

She'd never seen them gather like this so soon in the year. She wasn't anything special. She couldn't figure out what it was though that was going on. They blinked a couple of times as they noticed that she was staring back at them and they scribbled down a few notes and conferred with each other. This type of behavior was new to her. She wanted to see what it meant but that would require the capabilities of her way more modern technology and even then it was possible that she couldn't find anything. The tribunals were a strange lot that often were misrepresented in the scheme of things. They even sometimes had to have demonstrations to show that some of the information was bogus. It was just kind of routine sometimes. In recent history, a Tribunal had to show the skin of their arms to show people that they weren't different colors.

The guard came back and the door opened suddenly much to the surprise of myself and the Tribunal who turned around quickly and were now more talkative than ever. “They want to see you.” Well, the guard certainly didn't mince words she thought. Wait...who? Who wanted to see her?

So she asked the question. “Who wants to see me?” She looked back at the Tribunal, two members were exchanging glances at her occasionally and then talked in the middle of everything. She looked back at the guard and then looked back at the Tribunal and the guard looked almost sympathetic to her. She didn't even know what was coming to her, but she wasn't allowed to know. Not until she was in there and even then often times, they still didn't know what they were in for.

“You can't know. The matter is of the strictest confidentiality.” The guard told her. He led her to the other side of the room where there was another door. No one she knew ever knew what the other door was for. She figured that she was about to find out.

The guard didn't follow her into the door. He just keyed in the code and told her to go in. The tech on her wrist went back on and she excitedly looked at that little thing and started to key in the words that she needed. She typed it to the only person she could think of, her best friend for years, Quake. It was never understood why Quake had that name, but it seemed to fit. “What is going on?” Is all the message with ironically optimistic signature: to be faced with mystery is like a priceless work of art, breathtaking and unspoken for, but ultimately like looking into the face of God, you never know what you're going to get.

She was prompted to keep going though. She would just have to hope that Quake would be able to explain something of the mystery that was going on. It wasn't Quake's turn to log on to the computer so Quake should respond fairly quickly. Hopefully not deterred by that stupid signature. She thought about it more and more and she found it more and more stupid. Why would she put something like that on her text messages? It just seemed really dumb. Even for her and Quake.

She came to a wall and looked at it. There were no members of the Tribunal looking around her right here. There weren't any windows at this vantage point that they could see her through. She hadn't seen anything mysterious. But she was at a dead end. There was nowhere else to go and no one to prompt her on what to do. What was this place? Why did no one tell her about this? She still didn't know what the hell was going on and right now it was freaking her out. Her comm beeped. She looked at it hurriedly, afraid that something was going to prompt her to do something, although it hadn't yet. She looked at who it was. The little from line had Quake's name. Thank God. “Your signature has more significance than you think. Stay strong and be brave. You're gonna do great. You just have to remember to push yourself to do whatever you can to come back.”

There it was. That was all Quake had to say and that was nothing. That didn't mean anything to her. She put her hand on the wall as she stared at the message on her wrist, that really didn't tell her anything. She was trapped in a white room and all Quake had to say was push? She took that hand on the wall and squeezed it into a fist and pounded on the wall. She was alone. And soon enough, just like in the other room, she knew that she would have no contact with the outside world. Honestly, she was amazed that she got that message from Q. Nothing happened. No Tribunal, no guard, and no Q helping her made her realize that she was alone.

Nothing helped. She tried pushing at the wall, kicking it, punching it, smacking it, even stroking it. Absolutely none of it made a bit of a difference. Was this how they kept the food always in stock for the population? By just kind of locking people up with no food till they went mad and died of something, most likely starvation? Could her own people, known to be pacifists, be that cruel? And then she thought of the guard and the armor that he wore everyday. Didn't seem like something a pacifist would wear. No, something was definitely up and it was definitely up with this room. She almost wondered if she could get Quake on video chat. She looked at her wrist. She didn't know. Maybe, it was worth a shot, but it would be Quake's turn to log in soon and you couldn't be late to that. With the exception that an Offical of one of the many High Councils excused you or one the Tribunal members stood in your favor. Either of those events being likely to happen for Quake for talking to a friend on video chat and being late? Not very likely.

And then she slumped against the wall. She tried not to think about what was gong on, but she had an awful time pulling it together. This was not something she was prepared for even though Quake seemed to think so. And she did the only thing she could think of. She screamed, just to let the emotion out. It was supposed to be therapeutic. At least that was what Dr. Casmira said. And then just like that, she fell into a space that was not the room she was in before.

There were bright colors that she had only seen in pictures before, on the walls. No one ever got to be this bold. The color of walls was regulated by a high council who also assigned living spaces to people. And then on the other side of the room, there was her name. And what should have been on the computer. But why did she have to come all the way over here to get this? She didn't understand why it just wasn't on the computer. She got closer to see it. To really take in what was happening. There had to be something important about this room to her task, otherwise she wouldn't be here. There would be no point and if there is one thing that the Tribunal and the High Councils loved it was that everything needed to have a point. She got just close enough to see that her name was written in the standard form. She also noticed that there wasn't like an actual screen. Instead it seemed rather like a projection. And there was no furniture. She'd been so busy staring at the magnificent color on the walls that she hadn't noticed what was missing right in front of her.

She looked around. There were no windows and no other ways out that she could see, although she knew from experience now, that you didn't always see the exit on first glance or even the second. So she went up to her name, with her chest practically on the wall and touched it. Touched the wall and her name.

A little hologram popped up. “Adalia, welcome. You have been summoned by the Tribunal to discuss your future. The door will open in a moment, but is there anything you would like to know?” The thing said with perfect articulation as if it actually was a real person with a real jaw and those were real words coming out of its mouth. It was just so incredibly strange. The hologram just stood there and smiled like Adalia assumed she did most of her computer generated life. That wasn't a comforting thought. It was actually rather creepy, the further she thought about it.

“Why does no one tell us about this? What's this whole part even for?” Seemed like easy enough questions for the hologram to answer and probably things that she had been asked before by others. Wouldn't be so weird. Maybe she would even get some answers and maybe Quake's message would make more sense. Because even through all this, that whole quote meant nothing to her. She just thought it seemed pretty.

“There are people who are not ready to face what lies ahead. The first rooms are a testament to that. Those who get here are faced where only the elite are selected. Why is a question that you are not permitted to hear the answer to. If you are done with your questions, the door will open, are you done with your questions?” The hologram asked. She said it all very calmly like they weren't gambling on people's lives or something. Wasn't her fault, she was just made that way, Adalia had to remind herself. All machines are fallable to the err of humans. The hologram showed that. It showed its master's bias very clearly on the outside of things.

This may be the only time to get answers to her questions, she needed to make sure that they were all answered though before saying anything else. “No, I'm not done, what awaits me after the door opens?”

“I do not know. Are you done with your questions?” Well, that was never good. People generally reported the good things pretty much without complaint. It was very easy to get good news. Bad news took longer was way more devastating normally. And it all starts out with “I don't know” each and every time. Adalia knew that. She wasn't dumb like some suspected that she might be. She was actually quite resourceful when it would come to the worst. But it hadn't been the worst in a long time and she had never found the need to be resourceful again.

Adalia sighed. It wasn't going to get any easier waiting around here. “Yeah, I guess I am.” And the door whooshed open and the room was open with large windows on this side. And like she figured, the Tribunal was standing in the windows.

She took a breath and stepped into the room, remembering those beautiful colors on the walls and ready to face whatever came of this. Whatever it was, Quake told her what she needed to hear. She had to be ready to look into the face of God. There was a reason that this was never talked about. That signature held a darker meaning here than it did on her texts, but she was ready. This could be the last of many things, but she wanted so desperately to make sure that it wasn't her last breath. She wanted to make sure it wasn't the last time she saw her family and friends. And most of all, she just wanted it not to be the last time she had her sanity at hand.

The Tribunal looked at her as she walked toward the other side of the room. This dead end business was really getting annoying especially when she could see that there was something on the other side. Not like through the wall or anything, but she saw some of the Tribunal members come from behind the wall. Obviously there was something on the other side.

“If you want me to do what you want, you're going to have to put me in the situation that requires me to do it.” Adalia said very simply. They all looked at her like she had something magical. At this point they were furiously scribbling notes and the door opened while they were. No one cared about her. They had done this everyday since she could remember. Only it wasn't in a strange room that had no door, but a strange room that had two doors and a computer in it. They didn't care about you. All they cared about was some mysterious lore that they were writing as they were observing you. You were nothing but a username and password to them. Everyone was anonymous in the eyes of the tribunal. Only that idea didn't give the power to those were anonymous, it stripped them of it.

Taking the next step was hard. The room had a desk with a man behind it, and a chair that was unfilled. She looked around curiously and nothing quite seemed right. This wasn't the sensory overload or deprivation she had been going through. It all felt strangely normal and that didn't seem like a good sign. “Welcome”

“Why am I here? Where is here?” Adalia asked. She couldn't figure out what things were housed with the next obstacle. There were many things that she knew that she wasn't accustomed to in this place, because this was far away from home, even though it geographically, it may not have been very far at all. This whole business was rather frightening but she couldn't let that show on her face. That was ingrained from birth. You only got happier with a smile and if you were happy you should wear that smile at all times. He just motioned for me to sit down and that took me from my thoughts and I sat down kind of helplessly. He didn't look at me for a couple of moments, getting some more paperwork done. Paper. That was strange. People didn't normally use paper except for in school. It showed someone how to use their hands when they wrote with pens on paper. Adalia felt kind of strange just sitting there, so she repeated her questions with the faintest bit of what could be considered urgency “Why am I here? Where is here?”

He looked up at her as if she were dull. “You are here because you are special and you are ready. And here is where we get you to help us.” He said, looking back to the paperwork in front of him. It sure seemed like he wasn't having a hard time with it. Older people often didn't get the concept of the pen and paper as they had in their youth, yet this man seemed to understand it with perfect skill.

“How and what am I to help you with?” She asked, suspiciously. This still was all a big mystery to her. A chance to behold the face of God. A creature of the old world. Maybe even this man was something from the time, though the age of his skin said differently. She looked at her own hands and her own body and was interested in what was going on with her skin. If only it had a voice to tell her what was going on, although, that might have been horrible. There were nights when it was enough to have her own voice in the room. She knew it was all for good measure though. People were to live in separate rooms unless they were pair bonded or caring for a child till the child was old enough to sleep in a room by itself which was regulated by a council by birth year and such.

“You help by going back to the world and we'll send a mass comm through the entire human race, at least the one with tech on their wrists like you, with your signature. It's the key to universe.”

Adalia looked at the little tech on her wrists and thought about her signature again. She didn't get it. That didn't mean anything. It was just something pretty that she had picked up from a book of old times that had long since passed. The old times had ended terribly which is why they ended up with tech on their arms now, to make sure that something like this didn't happen again. “I don't understand. My signature isn't very interesting. It's just a quote from an old book 'to be faced with mystery is like a priceless work of art, breathtaking and unspoken for, but ultimately like looking into the face of God, you never know what you're going to get.' Frankly, it doesn't even make that much sense, but it was happy enough.” She shrugged.

“Young lady, the fascinating part of that signature isn't the words. It's that they are from an old book. Don't you see? No one else would ever in their right mind do that and you did it without even thinking. Which means you've got an evolutionary link that we've been missing and we've figured it out through you doing your tasks everyday.”

Trying to process the information, Adalia looked at him and stared for a moment. There was something about her signature and the way she picked it that was a genetic link to something. She didn't understand all the fancy words. What she did understand was what they were doing. They had hooked the computer to tell her to do things that might isolate that one thing they needed. The one thing that made her special. “So can I tell people about this? About what I saw? I still don't get why people don't tell about this place.” She said looking around. The Tribunal were still standing there and looking at them both. They never did any looking unless it was with a purpose, to jot down some notes or to whisper to one another. “Why are they just looking at us? I mean none of them have notepads or anything.”

“Is that agreement to do this on your part?” He asked with an eyebrow raising up and looking hopeful. “And they are just looking at us, because they want to get out of there just as much as anyone wants to get in there. You're the key to doing that.”

“Yes, I'll do it, but I still want to know if I can tell people about this. About what I saw.” She puzzled on the second part of his notion. He couldn't really mean what she thought he was saying. There was absolutely no way. There just could not be. “I thought the Tribunals and the High Councils liked the world the way it is right now. You mean they're just as trapped as the rest of us to that damned computer? The one that you somehow managed to hijack?!” I don't know why I got that upset that he hadn't done anything for High Powers. It's not like they did anything special for us. Still, it just didn't seem right.

He sighed. “There's no law permitting against people telling about this place, but no one has ever really survived long enough if they got through everything to tell anyone. But you will. You aren't bound by the same rules that everyone else is. And soon everyone else will have that link.” He said, pushing me back from where I came but also coming with me. And the feet above us scurried to many places, just trying to catch a glimpse of us. And he knew that he still had some explaining to do.

We stepped back into the computer room and there was no one there. I didn't know what kind of intervals they came to bring people to the computer. I only knew mine and Quake's which was nowhere close to mine. So we carried on. He put the little message into my comm and started fiddling with the recipients, finally pulling something out of his pocket and aiming it towards my wrist and pressing a button. I was prepared for my wrist to exploded, but nothing happened. Then he told me to click the send button. Turning back officially wasn't an option anymore. Still, we walked a little while and found a bench. I sat and silently begged him to tell me the rest of my answers.

“We've been trapped in this world by the past for ages. We've wanted to change things for so long, but we couldn't figure out how to do it and then you showed up. And you were young enough that it wouldn't seem to the computer that we were doing anything weird. We just typed in commands that it would recognize for you. There was no one else we could have hijacked that computer for. Only you.”

Slowly people came around. Everything seemed different. Everything seemed better. The computer, an ancient piece of controlling technology was no longer our master, but we could instead learn to make our world as we saw fit. I only hoped that world came with a few decent ideas. Because even though our world wasn't perfect, we knew it and accepted it. Who knows what being freed from all that might be like? And then I thought of the signature. The thing that made this life possible. “to be faced with mystery is like a priceless work of art, breathtaking and unspoken for, but ultimately like looking into the face of God, you never know what you're going to get.” And I couldn't help but feel hopeful. That mystery had gotten us through tyranny, maybe it would get us through freedom too. I joined Quake and smiled. “Thank you,” I said.

“For what?” Quake asked, confused.

I laughed. Quake really hadn't known what they did to inspire this whole thing. They probably forgot about the text that they sent earlier. But it didn't matter. I didn't have to tell people about what I had gone through to get this all. “For the mystery.”

Saturday, January 21, 2012

The John Green Spectacular

Okay, so first I just have to get this into words, because I'm living in the moment and the moment is awesome.   As some of you may have heard through the grapevine, I went to Austin to go to the Tour De Nerdfighting Stop and I have so much to tell you.

First of all, I met a lot of new Texas Nerdfighters.   The event was huge.   There were over 1000 guests and that didn't include the staff of Book People who had so generously donated their time that they could working with their families or something, but came to oversee this whole event.   There were just people in every direction and they were so nice.  I, often and usually out of the blue, got complimented on my t-shirt which was just freaking awesome.   I've never had that happen so often in my life.   Like I would walk around and people would be like cool shirt and I would just try to stand there and not look like the biggest asshole on the planet for not knowing who this person is.  

Then there was the actual event which was just stunning.   There were songs which I knew most of the words to and could actually sing back to an artist.   And then there was Hank and John Green.   Who look and sound exactly as they do in their vlogs.   I mean it's stunning how kind of real they've become to me.    And it's not necessarily now that they are out of reach.   Because they aren't.   I always feel like I'll have a closer relationship to them than I will of another celebrity, like for instance, Eliza Dushku.   And they were just people on a stage having the time of their lives which I adored.  

These people have inspired me so much in the last six months that it's impossible not to talk about them when I tell you my story.  All my creative endeavors have been somehow shaped most recently by them, one of which includes finishing an actual honest to goodness book.   I mean these people are big deals in my life.

Most of all, it reminded me why I became a part of this community anyway, because people didn't judge when I was unironically so irrationally happy that I was between a squeak of laughter and straight out crying.  People liked it.   They embraced me for who I was.   Just a normal girl.   Seeing them made my day.   Honestly, it probably made my month.   And I'm not ashamed of that.   This was something that so few have experienced that I was glad to be a part of that.

With all the songs played out and all the book read and all the questions answered and even though there were a thousand other people there, it still seemed very intimate, like this was something that they kept hidden from people who didn't come to these things and I was glad to experience that.   I can't say exactly why it was special.   Honestly, if it weren't for who they were, it probably wouldn't have been that special but it was.   And I just needed to say out loud.

A Truly Simple Message

Running a blog, vlog, and going to school can be hard, but I'm determined.   With the recent influx of things to do, I still want to find time to record my life.  I know it seems strange but this is what our generation is about.   We have our entire lives recorded in some way and this is mine.  I want you guys to know the intimate details of my life.   Because I feel safe here on the internet.

And some people may not like that I'm doing this, but it's my way of expressing what I feel needs to be expressed and I say to those people who take issue SUCK IT!  I'm not about cowtowing to anyone's needs but my own.   I have a belief system that works and whether you think it is right or wrong is not my problem.

I'll make mistakes.   I'll say it.   I'm not afraid of it.   I'm a human just like you and I'll make mistakes and say things that I didn't mean or that are factually wrong or aren't something that you agree with.   I'm also honest, sometimes to the point of cruelty, but I fear what our culture becomes when we aren't honest with each other.   Especially with the blanket of anonymity of usernames and comments.  

With all that said, I think it's very clear that there's one thing I don't tolerate: Bullshit.   Yep.   There is nothing you can do to make me angrier than to make up shit stories and stuff and do things that in any moral view are wrong.   I'm not picking on disabled people and neither should you.   Now, this is a personal belief but it's just an example.   I will call you out.   Because I don't have time to put up with what other people say and trying to beat around the bush.   If you say something that bothers me, I will tell you and I don't do it because I'm homophobic or sexist or racist or any other manner you could be discriminatory.  I don't see the world through those kinds of lenses.  

At the end of the day we only have so much time here on this planet and I don't want to spend it regretting not being honest.  For me the bigger issue that I often get called things without a second glance because I've just been honest with someone.  And while I see through the lens of honesty, sometimes it can be tricky navigating all the relationships I have.   But I hope that our relationship is clear.  I'll be an open book with you and you'll know exactly how I feel.   Things just need to be said and I hope that at least some people out there agree with me.

Thursday, January 19, 2012

I have a first world problem

Sorry, for a quiet evening without me, but I'm back and I have more to tell you than ever.   After the first week of school is done, it just seems weird, not to talk bout it.   I'm really lucky to have great classes this year, unfortunately, some of them are quite expensive.   I've been spending money left and right to get this or that and soon enough, I'm going to get tired of it.  And I think I already have.

Today's college rant is mainly a  life rant.   I love shopping online.  I think it's great.  I buy all my textbooks this way and I love to just look.   I like looking at the pretty stuff I can get online.  Comes with the lifestyle I'm accustomed to, I guess.   But last night I ran into a bit of a first world problem.   I'm taking a stage makeup class and I needed this high end theatrical makeup set.   People use it all the time and the cost of is between 50 and 70 dollars normally.  Alarming but not bad.   Now, the only place to get in town was way in the middle of our downtown and I don't drive.   So I figured, hey, online shopping here we go.

So I got to my favorite online seller, Amazon to see if they had this kit.  They were currently out of stock.  Drats, but not a big deal.   So I type in "Ben Nye Theatrical Creme Makeup Kit" to produce some results of where else I could get it.   I found a site.   about 45 to 50 bucks.   Awesome, I'll take it.   I go through the big schpiel from the company about putting my information in and then go to the the select shipping page.   The lowest they had the shipping for was 35 dollars!!  I mean for 35 dollars I expect you to be hand delivering it to my house.   So I went somewhere else.   And I found it again and put my information in and did this a couple more times before realizing, I just needed to find the cheapest shipping for this thing.   Which ended up being 12 dollars.   That was a fifth of the entire cost of the makeup.  

And I realized last night that I have a serious Amazon pampering.   I get free two day shipping for any and all purchases through my prime membership and I get four dollar overnight shipping.  So what I'm saying is that I've recently come to see how much I depend on Amazon for all my needs as an online shopper.   And it's worth it.   I always get great customer service and find that people are always willing to help.  

Aside from the cost involved in this semester, it's going well.   Kicking off the first week, I've already become a little less afraid of myself as an actor.   I really do enjoy it so much.  I find it absolutely fascinating that my first cold read of the semester and I did great.  I loved it.   I enjoy having that time to just let go of me and become someone else.   Speaking of which, I should probably get started on my homework.   I have a monologue due next thursday and I hope it goes well.    But in truth I also got the book of the play from Amazon too.  God, I'm such a sucker.   Well, that's all for now.   Ta tah.

DFTBA darling,
Nina and her BloggedLife

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Identity and life lessons

So I've been thinking a lot about identity lately and it got me to thinking who am I?   I mean I know all of the physical attributes that make me who I am, but who am I really?  At my very core?  I think this in large part has to do with two major books that I've been reading.   One is called Inside Joss's Dollhouse: From Alpha to Rossum edited by Jane Espenson and John Green's touching novel, The Fault in Our Stars. Now normally these books wouldn't really have anything to do with each other, but in my case they did.

I took TFiOS really hard.   Like punch in the stomach so hard that my lungs filled with air and were reminded that they liked the taste of air hard.   And I can tell you, just like I told you in my reviews of TFiOS previously have stated because it made me think about my young life.  How I've been blessed with the kind of miracle that some people never get, but indeed is a miracle that increased the number of my days, I just don't know to what capacity.   It gave me a few more infinities.  Now, how you deal with yourself and your life as a sick person and maybe especially as a sick child is important.   Having epilepsy was certainly a strain on some of my childhood but it definitely wasn't the only thing that kept me in the hospital.   And as someone who has had continual miracles with the ideals of modern medicine, it's so easy to imagine it going the other way.

I often get up thinking about how it could have gone the other way.  I like being alive and I like wondering about my identity and often even crazier things than that, but let's face it, I've had a lot of miracles.  To count just some of the many miracles, I survived childhood epilepsy, two cases of pneumonia in the third grade alone, and had my tonsils taken out when I was three or so because they were enlarged to the size of an eighteen year old male's.  Those are just a few of my miracles.  I mean where would I be if I didn't have the choices I have now?  I mean I have to stay away from strobe lights because they make me dizzy and stuff and in general make the rest of me go funny.  I also know something else could happen.  I haven't had one in a really long time, but I'm afraid.   I'm afraid of dying and reading has made me confront that. 

And then there's the mental part which I was confronted with in Inside Joss's Dollhouse.   I am one person.   I have one body and in general one disposition at any given point.   This is true enough.   The question I ask myself though, because I often muse on it about other people is, am I many personalities?  Now, I want to clarify, I have no issue with people with any kind of mental disorder, but I am not talking about one.  I am not talking about multiple personalities.  I am talking about many personalities.   And often times when I ask this about myself the answer is simple, yes.   But it's not that simple.   Because if it were that simple, then it wouldn't be interesting and we all know the yes/no question is kind of a boring one.   I often ask myself what these personalities are and who they bear to and how long I've had each and why I came up with them in the first place.   These are all very interesting questions.   And I bet many of you have kind of thought about this too.   I am a daughter, a student, a tutor, a friend, a vlogger, a blogger, a reader, a writer, and a stranger in some cases.   And that's not even all of my personalities.  Obviously, I am one person with one body and one mind, but how often do we not tell everyone we know everything?   How often do we not feel guilty about that?   It's not bad and it's not even strange necessarily.   We all do it.   We just call it something else.  

I picked that question today because I was standing in the hot shower and thinking what is my name?   I have a given name.   A real life, my parents gave it to me name.  I like it, but I don't often use it on the internet, because it feels funny.   On the internet, I carved my own persona as I was starting to waddle my way through puberty and into adulthood and upon that I came across roleplaying sites which are excellent for my writing as they give me what I need to be inspired.  For a long time, I never really took a permanent name, I just lifted the first name off my character.   Until I stumbled upon one that stuck, Nina.  Now, this is kind of a diminutive of my actual name, but it became symbolic of my change.  Because by choosing that name, I created something powerful. By literally, seperating myself into the virtual presence and then my real life, I compartmentalized and in the process started two separate but equally fulfilling personalities, having thoughts and dreams with one section of my life that sometimes did not mesh with the other part of my life.  Still, it was all part of the entire me and in the end, I'm no closer to the answer than I am to solving cold fusion but at least I thought about it.   Because some people don't even take the time to do that. 

DFTBA darling,
Nina and Her BloggedLife <3

Monday, January 16, 2012

Nerdfighter Challenge: Blog Update

Doing the nerdfighter challenge, I've already gotten through two benchmarks and I haven't said all I need to say.

For all of those curious and not caught up on what I'm doing, I suppose I should clear it up for you.   There is this channel on Youtube, VlogBrothers, and they have 900+ videos.   These are about 4 minutes in length and it's spanned five years.   This is pretty significant.   I am watching them from the very start of the video blog, back when it was called Brotherhood 2.0 which was a challenge that John and Hank took on of John's invention.

That being said I've briefly talked about stuff on my channel BloggedLifeNina about how I feel that is going and for the most part, all I have to say is it's going continually awesome.   I really like how it feels to watch a project from its very beginning.   And because I've been so infatuated with them for the past six months this project kind of warrants my attention.

All in all, there are a few things that I did not say in the videos that I have wanted to.  One of those being that John has not been good with days pretty much from the get go.   And now he's got me questioning my sanity with the days.   Often times they are titled wrong or he says the wrong day in the actual video itself and this is not an inherently bad thing because it's cute for the most part.   I mean we all kind of know the days for him.  I've also come to appreciate Hank more.  I used to find Hank kind of the lesser brother as this went on, but he actually has some pretty good insights.   And he can sing.   Quite frankly the only time that John can sing...well, at least, is when he's singing stuff on your head or singing to henry.   Which is cool.

It has also made me think about all the projects that I'm doing.   These are pretty simple things but in general, I'm doing projects that are internet based.   And Vlogging from my webcam is great but it's not necessarily getting the job done.   Also the sound sounds funny, but till I figure out how to fix that I'm kind of stuck with it.

Also very soon I'm going to do Hank's survey from 2007 which he apparently gives out every year but we haven't heard about since 2007 or maybe I haven't heard about it.  Who knows?  That's what's so great about this project is that I'm going to find out.   Hope anyone who is doing this is keeping up with it.   I Salute you!

DFTBA Darling,
Nina and Her BloggedLife

Sunday, January 15, 2012

I've been lazy

So I haven't been updating my blog as if it that wasn't obvious.  And yes, it's mostly due to laziness.   It's not that I don't have anything interesting to write about, I just haven't wanted to.   And we all go through those fazes.  However, I will try to be better about doing blog posts at least once a week.  And for right now, I think that's good enough.

It occurs to me that as I write this, I have a huge amount of Social networking out there.  I have a youtube channel, which I vlog on, a  VYou Channel which I answer questions on, Facebook and twitter and TUMBLR the lovely little microblogs.    And the only one I've really neglected lately for any huge amount of time was you, bloggy mcblog.  And I'm sorrry about that.

I go back to school on Tuesday and that should be fun [read: excruciating] but at least it's getting me out of the house.  In the last week and half I've felt a little stir crazy and so it will be nice to finally get out there and meet some people again.  Maybe who knows, even get a job.    We'll see how that last one goes.   It hasn't worked yet.   Look for more of me in the following weeks.   Can't wait to see what happens.

Nina and Her BloggedLife