Why I'll Vote Obama

Basic rights are just that. They are basic. I don't see why they are debated. To me, the most basic of all rights is equality. It is the right to be treated the same with the treatment being based on your actions and not any inherent trait you can't control.

For the 2012 voting cycle, my biggest issue is equality in all senses of the word. I want there to be no gay hate. I want people to get the same amount of money for the same job. People are just people. They aren't any different than the ones we are the most comfortable with. To me, that gives a truly great country that we were once proud of.

That really only leaves me with one candidate that I would vote for in the presidential candidate. The only person I would really ever consider in this race is Barack Obama. His outspoken view about gay marriage is something that makes me feel safe in the way that nothing else really does.

He has other qualities that make me really happy. I just think that within the republican candidacy there is just no good that comes out of it. I see people backsliding into the past when all we should be doing is looking to the future. The future where equality and diversity is not something that seems strange or weird but seems delightfully normal. I've always thought that it seemed weird that more people don't have a worldview that appreciates diversity, but I need it. It makes life more interesting. The way to encourage that is to make it easier to be different, to be equal.

by YourLocalSecurity.com

Experiencing a Moment

Some experiences take a long time and some happen all at once.  It's this brilliant way of being human that is so fantastic and so incredibly strange, but in all of its glory, very very beautiful.

It's not that I've never noticed this before.  I notice it all the time, but somehow today, it seems worth talking about.  Maybe it's because I've had so many experiences today that I've generally been truly grateful for.  

I've gotten to go and see a great person and share my stories.  I've gotten retweeted by someone I care about their opinions.  I've gotten to see one of the nicest and cleanest roadside stops on probably this face of the planet.  These are all really kind of instant things but they've all built from little things in me.   They've all built up from a string of incidents in my life.

The stories are something I'm proud of, but I don't want to share them with my family.  I think I'm scared of their judgment because I like them.  This is my talent and I like it too.   I mean there are these two things that I want so much for people to like and it's just hard blending those two things together. 

Getting to share those stories with soemone who cared, it might be something to take the chance on.  Maybe I should just email them to her and get her opinion.  I don't know how they are right now and who knows maybe she has some inspiring piece of story to help me along in my career.

With the idea that I've got someone who I like replying to me on twitter, I've liked a lot of things.  I like people.  I like things.   And I've gotten into a crazy world that I adore.  And I've met people I adore through it.  So when someone new and good comes into this circle, it's great.  As an actor, he's wonderful and seeing him vlog was just something amazing, it's a little piece of what I like in people. 

And I feel I need to tell people that I care.  I love people.   They need to know that their work is flourishing and the idea that comment made an impact makes me smile.  I've never wanted anything in my life other than to make comments that matter and/or touch people in a personal way.

That cleanest rest stop, well, let's just say i've seen walmarts smaller than it.  It's a place where people are connected by this crazy idea that they're all going somewhere.  They are all meeting family or friends or going to a new place and it's all just everyone is connected by this strange happiness.  It's happiness is reflected in it's ability to defy all expectations of rest stops and be bright and shiny.

Maybe we've all been exactly where I am now.  Maybe we haven't.  All I know is that life is crazy and complicated and beautiful in ways that I've never expected and that makes it fun.  Life is always worth living, even if someone tells you otherwise.  Maybe especially then.  Enjoy the experience and the ride because it's all crazy but no one gets to make your artwork.  You have that job.  Make it what you want to be.   And mine, well it's bright colors and wonderful pattern. 

Love Ya,
Nina x

Another Book Finished!

I finished Delirium which was such a good book.  It took me a little while longer because some of the parts were really slow but once you got to the last twenty percent, oh my god, I was hooked.  There was just so much in that last bit that fulfilled me in so many ways.  I really loved it because it was just, it was different.  It was different than a lot of the things I've read in the dystopian setting.  The people weren't aware of how bad it was.

Honestly, it actually reminds me of what I liked so much about Brave New World  even though everyone around me hated it.  I liked it because I knew things were bad and I was getting this glimpse into life that they didn't see.  This is what could have been.  People are complacent with the way things are and that is a terrifying future.   It just holds so much illusion that this world is prettier than it is for people.

So on that note, I'm really glad I get to put it in the read book list.  I think now, I'm going to read pride and prejudice, along with probably the Hunger Games again.  I really want to reread that book because this was just moving and I know that the two books couldn't be farther apart but I'm so into the dystopia right now, it's a little bit crazy.  Only two books away from completing another resolution of mine.   This is insane.  I've never finished one resolution, let alone two.  This is a happy and spirited time for me and I hope that all of you are having just as good of a time as I am.  

Novel Excerpt: Novel As of Yet Untitled

Okay, so let me tell you a little bit about this, it's an excerpt of my novel as the title suggests and the basic rundown is that it is about a woman caught in the middle of three love stories that kind of collide into each other.  This is one of the really sad moments.

I was determined to make that day more productive with everyone. I wanted everyone to be a little bit happier and I tried to do that. No one really noticed. Jon was distracted by his damn phone all day and it was driving me crazy. I didn't say anything. I didn't want to set things off again. God, it was really hard though.

When I came home and saw Don though, he didn't really want to do anything either. He was either busy researching or doing some work. I wasn't even sure where they had gone, but they certainly left me behind.

I let it go on for a few days like that, until I was just done with it. I was done with them both. I was done with the way they were treating me and how this was coming out. I was not someone they could idly toss away like a gum wrapper. I knew that I would have to do something drastic with each of them. Jon was fairly easy. I would just not go to work. Don was a little harder to plan for because I had never really wanted to get his attention this badly. I didn't know what worked on him. I would have to find it.

So on Friday, I didn't go into work. Donovan looked a little confused when he left for work. He didn't ask but he knew something was up.

My normal time for being at Jon's came and went. He called and I didn't answer. This was the way things had to be, I told myself. You have to keep up this or he won't get it. He facebooked and I deleted the messages. He DMed on twitter and I didn't bother. I had to cut him off from everything. Eventually he would come around. He stopped everything for awhile. I could tell he was trying to work without me. It lasted than it normally did, but that wasn't really surprising to me. He had built up some tolerance for being on his own but he would come around.

I did other things while he tried to work. I watched television. I cooked lunch for myself. I put my hair up. I looked up actors. Anything to not give into the urge to go to him. It was always like this. It was a battle but I would do it. I would do it.

At about Four in the Afternoon, my doorbell rang. I fluffed up the pillows and arranged them perfectly and let it wait for a minute.

The ringing became more incessant and I smiled. I went over and opened the door and he just walked on in. I had won. I had won. He was over here. He couldn't stand it. “What the hell is wrong?” He asked, a little angry but I tried not to let it hurt. I knew it was for the best. I knew that this was what he needed. He only yelled and he was only angry because he cared about me.

“What's wrong? You mean beside you and Don completely acting like I'm not even here? Besides that there's nothing wrong.” I told him.

He looked hurt. “I don't do that.” He admonished.

“Yes, you do, Jon. You were so distracted with your phone yesterday that you didn't even care what I had to say. I know because during that time you promised to take me and Don to the eiffel tower.” I told him.

“What?” He asked.

I shook my head, “That's exactly my point. You didn't even care. I need to be able to give myself over to you and if you're not going to listen to me, I'm not going to come to work. You knew that this was coming.” I told him.

“What happened with you and Don?” He asked.

I didn't want to talk about that with him, not right now, “Babe, I love you, I want you to know that, but Don and I right now is something completely different than me and you. And right now, I'm dealing with you, so we're not talking about it.”

“Look, I'm sorry for the phone thing, I'll try to stop.” He said.

That made me angry. He wasn't even going to give me a straight answer. “Look, this isn't about trying this, is about actually stopping. Who were you texting or whatever anyway?” I asked.

He looked like he might lie to me for a minute. I didn't even want to hear that kind of thing, “Look, Jill, it's not that simple.”

“How is it not that simple? I asked you a simple question. Who are you texting that's taking time away from our work time? That's a simple question with a simple answer.” Why couldn't he even tell me what I wanted to know. Why couldn't we get to the bottom of this? That's all I wanted. So we could work together in awesome harmony together again.

“I can't tell you. You'll get mad.” He said.

“I'm more mad that you won't tell me than whoever it could possibly be. So why don't you just spit it out?”

“Fine, but don't say I didn't warn you.”

“Fine.”

He looked at me like he still wasn't sure. God, this killed. I wasn't even sure I could handle it, “I've been texting Jayne. She's really nervous and she likes having someone she can talk to. She's just been hard on her luck lately, Jill.”

I just sat there and blinked at him. He wasn't telling me something. And it was killing our relationship. That phone and Jayne and all of it was killing our relationship. “It's not just that she's nervous.” I told him. I didn't even ask.

“No, technically not.”

I was furious and up to my eyeballs in the “technically” crap from everyone. I was done with it.

“Just cut the crap, tell me the truth Jon. You know as well as I do, I'm not dumb and I know something is going with you” I shouted.

“I'm sleeping with her. We're dating.” He said. It was like a slap in the face.

“Get out.”

“What?” he asked. He didn't even know what was happening.

“You heard me. Get. Out.” I didn't even look at him.

“You've got to be kidding me Jill,” He said. I didn't even want him in here. I wanted him gone. I wanted to cry. I wanted him to just understand that this was a lot to go through right now.

“You can't even telling me that you're dating her before you ignore me. Get. Out. Of. My. House.” I said as a lone tear streamed down my face. It couldn't even wait.

“Jill,” He said and he tried to make it up. I couldn't even take it.

“Go. Away.”

I never understood what people meant about being heartbroken until that day. Donovan didn't come home until late and I was wrapped up in our comforter, tear tracks stained on my face, eyes red and puffy, and he didn't say anything.

That was when he started figuring things out. Something was wrong.

I didn't even want to get out of bed the next day. I didn't want to go to work. So I didn't. Donovan brought me coffee. I didn't drink it. I didn't do anything. I just kind of stayed there in my caccoon and cried and ate a little bit.

He didn't call, didn't text, didn't facebook, didn't twitter, didn't email, didn't come over.

Part of me was upset with how pathetic this looked, but I hurt and I couldn't even find the will to get very far. I got my computer and started writing again. I did what I had to do. I kept emails short and impersonal when sending them to Jonathan. He did the same. We were detached from each other. We didn't even look like we cared.

Thoughts on Resolutions

Hi darlings,
 It's me again. I know, I haven't been keeping very good track of what I'm doing and I'm genuinely sorry for that. Now, I will try to update you guys at least once a week with the various comings and goings of my week.

I've realized very recently...like today recently, that I'm very nearly done with my new year's resolutions. I had three very specific ones and they're all very close to me. I wanted to read more, so I set myself the challenge of 15 books for the year. That way I wouldn't be too burdened during the school months and stress myself out more but I was actively seeking books to read and finding myself in a good place. I think I'm about three off that score. I'm about a fourth of the way through another book and have a couple rereads that I want to go through. So all in all, that should be done by the time I go back into school in the fall.

The next goal I set for myself is to write a novel this year. Well, that looks like it is rapidly approaching completion because I've started Camp NaNoWriMo. I'm now about 42K words into the whole thing and about 21K into my actual NaNoWriMo part of that. Which means I'm about half way done with nano part. This makes me super excited because seriously, it took me the first twenty years of my life to write a full length novel and now I've almost written two of them. That's a freaking craziness. By the time I reach twenty one, I could have written almost three novels. That just totally blows my mind away. It makes me so proud.

The other one I haven't really done is getting through all of the vlogbrothers videos and make Nerdfighter Challenge videos on it. Even then, I got through the first year which was probably a very good chunk of them. About 200 or so videos. So I'm pretty happy about all that.

The thing about all of these things is that I would have never gotten them done any other year. I never would have had the willpower. Being in college made me different yes, but more than that, meeting these people, these internet people, who inspire me everyday to do better has helped me so much. It makes me want to be a better person. It makes me want to achieve my dreams. And I'm so proud of that. People give the internet a pretty bad kind of name, but I love it so much. I love the people I get to see everyday because of this great technology.

So since it's June and it's the halfway point in the year, how do you think you are doing on your new year's resolutions? any outstanding progress? if so, what's it attributed to? and if not, why do you think that is? I mean it's a marathon, that's true but sometimes it feels so good just to get that sprint out of the way, that you don't know what it was like just going so slowly. You want to feel that floating sensation everyday.

DFTBA darlings,
Nina x