Experiencing a Moment

Some experiences take a long time and some happen all at once.  It's this brilliant way of being human that is so fantastic and so incredibly strange, but in all of its glory, very very beautiful.

It's not that I've never noticed this before.  I notice it all the time, but somehow today, it seems worth talking about.  Maybe it's because I've had so many experiences today that I've generally been truly grateful for.  

I've gotten to go and see a great person and share my stories.  I've gotten retweeted by someone I care about their opinions.  I've gotten to see one of the nicest and cleanest roadside stops on probably this face of the planet.  These are all really kind of instant things but they've all built from little things in me.   They've all built up from a string of incidents in my life.

The stories are something I'm proud of, but I don't want to share them with my family.  I think I'm scared of their judgment because I like them.  This is my talent and I like it too.   I mean there are these two things that I want so much for people to like and it's just hard blending those two things together. 

Getting to share those stories with soemone who cared, it might be something to take the chance on.  Maybe I should just email them to her and get her opinion.  I don't know how they are right now and who knows maybe she has some inspiring piece of story to help me along in my career.

With the idea that I've got someone who I like replying to me on twitter, I've liked a lot of things.  I like people.  I like things.   And I've gotten into a crazy world that I adore.  And I've met people I adore through it.  So when someone new and good comes into this circle, it's great.  As an actor, he's wonderful and seeing him vlog was just something amazing, it's a little piece of what I like in people. 

And I feel I need to tell people that I care.  I love people.   They need to know that their work is flourishing and the idea that comment made an impact makes me smile.  I've never wanted anything in my life other than to make comments that matter and/or touch people in a personal way.

That cleanest rest stop, well, let's just say i've seen walmarts smaller than it.  It's a place where people are connected by this crazy idea that they're all going somewhere.  They are all meeting family or friends or going to a new place and it's all just everyone is connected by this strange happiness.  It's happiness is reflected in it's ability to defy all expectations of rest stops and be bright and shiny.

Maybe we've all been exactly where I am now.  Maybe we haven't.  All I know is that life is crazy and complicated and beautiful in ways that I've never expected and that makes it fun.  Life is always worth living, even if someone tells you otherwise.  Maybe especially then.  Enjoy the experience and the ride because it's all crazy but no one gets to make your artwork.  You have that job.  Make it what you want to be.   And mine, well it's bright colors and wonderful pattern. 

Love Ya,
Nina x

Thoughts on Resolutions

Hi darlings,
 It's me again. I know, I haven't been keeping very good track of what I'm doing and I'm genuinely sorry for that. Now, I will try to update you guys at least once a week with the various comings and goings of my week.

I've realized very recently...like today recently, that I'm very nearly done with my new year's resolutions. I had three very specific ones and they're all very close to me. I wanted to read more, so I set myself the challenge of 15 books for the year. That way I wouldn't be too burdened during the school months and stress myself out more but I was actively seeking books to read and finding myself in a good place. I think I'm about three off that score. I'm about a fourth of the way through another book and have a couple rereads that I want to go through. So all in all, that should be done by the time I go back into school in the fall.

The next goal I set for myself is to write a novel this year. Well, that looks like it is rapidly approaching completion because I've started Camp NaNoWriMo. I'm now about 42K words into the whole thing and about 21K into my actual NaNoWriMo part of that. Which means I'm about half way done with nano part. This makes me super excited because seriously, it took me the first twenty years of my life to write a full length novel and now I've almost written two of them. That's a freaking craziness. By the time I reach twenty one, I could have written almost three novels. That just totally blows my mind away. It makes me so proud.

The other one I haven't really done is getting through all of the vlogbrothers videos and make Nerdfighter Challenge videos on it. Even then, I got through the first year which was probably a very good chunk of them. About 200 or so videos. So I'm pretty happy about all that.

The thing about all of these things is that I would have never gotten them done any other year. I never would have had the willpower. Being in college made me different yes, but more than that, meeting these people, these internet people, who inspire me everyday to do better has helped me so much. It makes me want to be a better person. It makes me want to achieve my dreams. And I'm so proud of that. People give the internet a pretty bad kind of name, but I love it so much. I love the people I get to see everyday because of this great technology.

So since it's June and it's the halfway point in the year, how do you think you are doing on your new year's resolutions? any outstanding progress? if so, what's it attributed to? and if not, why do you think that is? I mean it's a marathon, that's true but sometimes it feels so good just to get that sprint out of the way, that you don't know what it was like just going so slowly. You want to feel that floating sensation everyday.

DFTBA darlings,
Nina x

Finished the Book!

For the first time ever, I have FINISHED the book "Wicked: The Life and Times of the Wicked Witch of the West" and I have to say that I liked it.  This would have been a book that had someone told me kind offhandedly about one thing that happens at the very end of the book to a relatively uneventful character that you don't meet until the last fourth of the book, I wouldn't have read it.  Why you ask?  Because that character is a dog and it dies.  Having five dogs of my very own and already having lost one, I'm very big on my pups, but it isn't even because of that.  It's because I have this thing where I can't handle an innocent dying.  Like I just can't handle it.

And I mean this could be construed as I'm a pro-life stance in politics, but no.  Sorry to those you who think I think that. I'm pro-choice.  I would rather you get rid of your child before it experiences any pain or suffering if you are not ready in any way.  But no, the killing of an innocent upsets because they don't know what they did or why they are dying.   They don't know how to come to that conclusion and it's really just something that's emotionally stressful.  Like if [enter serial crime drama here], the killer kills the dog or cat before taking out the human or I see that.  I cannot watch that episode.  Like the worst thing a killer could do to me is hurt my pets and hurt my animals because they are innocent. 

And I mean like I can get behind some pretty gruesome murders when it comes to adults because I can sort of kind of justify that they did something or knew something that changed their life forever and they got to experience most of what life had to offer.  They also knew what the world was like.  They knew the world was a bitch and cold an indifferent.  You could murder a whole bus full of adults and it still wouldn't have the same emotional impact on me than killing one dog or cat or one child.  It just wouldn't.

But yes, other than that small detail which turned into a very long talk, I think it was a good book.  I liked it a lot.  I enjoyed reading.  It was broken up into chunks big enough to be interesting and short enough to be manageable from day to day things.  I mean the pacing could have picked up.  I think that was one of the issues of why I had picked up this book so many times and failed to finish all the way through until today.  The characters also could have had a little more interaction or made me care about them a little more.  I just for most of the character I didn't care if they lived or died which presented kind of a moral dilemna with some characters because you're supposed to care and you're supposed to have these big moments about their death when you don't care enough about it.

But yeah, overall a good book.  I think that I would recommend it to a few people, but definitely not most people.  Just because it takes a while to get into it and for most people that just won't work.

Beda: Day 30: Thoughts from the end.

So this is the last Blog in a row for BEDA but there's a lot going on.   I want to do a lot and this blog was certainly one of the best things that I've done in a long time.  Doing a bunch of creative projects at the same time, while having to deal with pesky things like finals and family.

Still in the place that I've been put in, I can't say I'm not glad to have it be done with the whole thing.  I mean I've been having some trouble keeping up with the whole thing.   I want to just sleep and relax a little and while not doing the blog for a couple of days might let me do that, it's more about the fact that I'm going to be done very soon with the finals and things.

It is really nice having this blog though to record my voice and thoughts.   It'll be nice to get back to it eventually.   Hopefully, it won't be too long before I get back to it.   Because enjoyment is the spice of life and I'm getting it from doing this.   Even just typing the words on the keyboard gives me some joy.  

I haven't been especially creative this month in anything else other than vlogging and blogging and doing the photo, but I'm doing it.   I'm figuring it out and I think that's all I can ask for.   Just to have it work out.

I hope anyone out there reading this is doing well.   Keep it going and show some love to someone you think could use it.   Because who knows, you could very well make that person's and it's something beautiful.

Living is something that's hard enough, but when we get bogged down with all the crap, it's very hard to see the great things staring us in the face.   And while I'm in that place bogged down with all the crap, it's getting easier to see through the fog.   Being tough is not necessarily my way of life, but it is something I try to do whenever I can.

Beda: Day 28: Seeing Sissy.

I loved Today.   Today was a good day in so many ways.

The biggest being that I got to see my sister.   My sister who is in AIT and can't stay over for a weekend likes to hand out with us still and I'm just lucky to have her.   She likes to do things with me and it was just glorious.   Due to respect to her, I didn't  film anything in the day, but it was so cool.  

We got lunch, did some shopping, went to get coldstone, did some more shopping and then came back home and ate dinner and watched a bit of TV together.   Sounds like a freaking awesome day I know.   You wish you were living my life. 

But in all seriousness, that was probably one of the first times that I've been out of the house for something that wasn't school related in a long time.   and i'm just so stinking glad I got out of the house.   it was one of those things, like cleaning, that I had been putting off for a long time and finally did and realized how much easier life would have been if I had done that a whole lot sooner.   All reinvorgorated and stuff.

So yeah, that was my day and now after walking around so much my leg hurts and I'm tired but I wouldn't change it for the world.   Because it's what I wanted and what Needed.   Anyone telling me otherwise is wrong.

Beda: Day 25: Creative Chaos.

You know, there's something that feels so right about being in a clean room.

I'm not saying that for no purpose.   Good news on the productivity front, I cleaned my room today and god it feels so good to be in a clean room rather than one that has everything everywhere.   I mean I like all the stuff being in the room but sometimes you have to get some of the stuff out of your life.   I don't care who you are.  It's just part of life and growing up.   Sometimes, the best way to detox is to throw stuff away.   My 13 year old self would not believe I would be giving myself this advice, but it's true 13 year old me.   We're throwing stuff away and you're going to like it.

Now, don't get me wrong, I love my creative chaos as much as the next person and it's all very nice to have that freedom of putting things anywhere, but sometimes you just need to contain it to boxes.   And really I guess that was all I was really looking for.  Because I mean things were getting everywhere and I just I couldn't think with all the things thinking at once and being like "Hey, we need lives too.   You're gonna pay attention to us right?" 

On the list of successful things I've done today, that has not been the only thing though.  I got a photo done.  And I got my dance paper turned in.   Not sure if the paper made any sense or I just repeated the one sentence in different words a bunch of times, but who know?   I don't even care.   I'm just gonna be superfly right now and just be like "fuck it, I get what I get"  I know that's not a great attitude to have towards classwork, but it's been a long semester and I just want to finish.   I however, have not, started on my makeup morgue which I actually need to get cracking on.   So I suppose tomorrow when I have free time I should do that.  

For right now, I'm going to count the little things.   I've been very good about getting stuff done on time and when it needed to be turned in.   So I have confidence in myself that I'll do it this time too.   Just can't worry.

Seriously, being in a clean room makes me really relaxed and it didn't even take that long.  Only a couple of hours and most of that was sorting through some of the junk that I was like, um, I should probably throw this out already and I already have that file stored on my computer, I can junk it.  But hey, sometimes you just got to think about those moments.

Hope everyone had a great day and I wish you all the best for tomorrow. 

Beda: Day 22: Video Editing.

Well today was interesting.   I filmed a video at two thirtyish and didn't really want to edit.    And for me that's kind of an alarming sign.   Because I like editing videos.  I'm not very good at it.  I'm quite frankly, probably terrible at editing, but I do like do it.  I like having that time with a video to make it good.   And Not wanting to make it good and not even caring to edit, means I'm not that interested in the raw materials which is worrisome. 

Honestly, I didn't want to edit that video because I didn't like it.  I had no passion for it.  It didn't have my voice.   There was nothing really said in it.   That's a problem.   I did however, watch some YouTube videos by people I really like and one of my friends posted how she didn't feel like her video self the past couple of days.   And that inspired my video.   My video was taking my two lives and kind of conceding that I had them.   It's not that I never talked about my personal life on a video, it's just that there was the weird in between space that I was slipping into.

And out of that, even though I had to distort the color and find ways to make it look better, where you could see my whole face, I really enjoyed the video.   Maybe it wasn't the best sound or video editing, but I did like the video and that's really important to me.   I want to put out products that I like and I want to keep watching again and again.   And in those moments in that video I was very real.  I was the person that I wanted to be.

So the video was a success.   In other news, I haven't done any editing of the novel today.  I should probably edit chapter 3 before bed.    I'm going to do that.   Editing the book is a treat even if it is abnormally long to do so.   I just think there's so much potential for this book to go places.   I don't know if there is another book on the market like it, but I love it.   I love it.  I love that I spent so much time writing it.   And even then, to most people thirty days is nothing.  To me that's a commitment that I don't take lightly in the slightest.   And I like month long challenges.  It makes it easier to manage.   I can tick off days.

I mean look at what we've done here.   Blogs this month make up over half of this blog and I'm proud of that.  I don't know if I'll keep up daily blogging, but I'm certainly going to try.  This is freeing and this is also part of who I am.   I'm a writer through and through and if I didn't write how my day went everyday, where would I be? I don't know, but I certainly love doing it.

And with that, I think I'm going to go.  I still have another page of a paper I have to write as well as getting some sources down.   Don't worry though, I'll be back tomorrow and you'll have a grand ol' time.   Go put on some music and dance.

Beda: Day 21: My Editing Process.

I never knew how exactly hard yet easy it was going to be to edit a novel.  I mean I've written things before and reworked them and gone back and cringed at old work I had sitting on the internet, but revising this is an entirely new ballgame. 

First of all, it's not something I can just do on my computer.  I actually had to print it out so it was easier to read and see what changes I wanted to make.   Mostly because if I don't agree with these changes later, I don't have to make them and I can throw the draft out.   And by throw out, I do mean recycle because that would a lot of paper to just waste on putting in the wrong bin.   Seriously this manuscript is over 60 pages.

It's easy in the fact that this doesn't really feel like my work.  I can critique at a distance and put the much needed edits into it.   Which is something I never thought I would be able to do.   I'm typically more assured in my work than that and it's often not till several years later when I'm bored and decided to have a read at some of my old work that I realize how much I could have used an edit button.   I truly mean that.   But no, that part is actually going remarkably great.   I'm also not at that point where everything is total crap, like writers often go through.  I just I have the distance and that's what I needed.

It's hard in the fact that it is very technically time consuming.  I often have to read paragraphs or sentences over again because I'm not sure how they feel.   I have to mull them around.   And that's a little bit frustrating.   As someone who virtually has a judgment on something the second she is presented with it, this mulling process is fairly long and laborious.   And that maddens me a little bit.   For the past two days I've been editing on and off and I've only gotten through 8 pages.   Not even 8.   Like 7 and 3/4.   And that was only the first two chapters.   There are at least like 20 Chapters in the whole thing.   I don't exactly remember. 

This manuscript has all the words I wrote and I'll always be incredibly proud of that, but I'm really glad I'm taking this time to make it better.   To see what else to do with it.  And I think this is making me a better writer.   I can see what works for me and what doesn't.   And no, I'ven't finshed the novel for this year.   It's still on my list of things to do, but I work best under pressure and I wrote this novel in November, maybe I'll write all my novels via NaNoWriMo.

Maybe in November when NaNoWriMo comes around I'll have to blog about how well things are going without giving any details away because then I'm never motivated to finish.   And I'm determined to write a novel this year.   Again.   Because I like writing.   And While I love doing blogposts, my heart is with the fiction.

Beda: Day 20: Sympathy.

Getting to see my sister this month is a treat.  We only really get to see her on weekends because that's when she's allowed off post and there's usually food of some kind involved.   Seriously, I don't know what it is about family and food but they just go together so perfectly and yes, that includes crazy sisters that when you were younger you wished you didn't have.

But I do get sympathetically sick fairly easily and one of the things my sister was talking about was getting a stomache at dinner and that was all fine and good and then guess what?  I got one and it was not all good anymore.  It was not good at all.  But these are the little moments.   And even with getting my stomach ache it's still not worse than what she has to, plus several other things.  So I'm feeling lucky and counting my blessings, who knew that making these time could be your best time.

Atleast so far, from what I've hear, being an adult is pretty cool and maybe I'll try it out one day.   Who knows?  Right now I'm just having with my inner kid.   Bye Guys and I'll see you guyes tomorrow.

Beda: Day 17: Watching Stuff.

It's been an interesting day.  I'm trying not to like go to my instant start out for the blog which I notice I do quite a lot last night.   I was scrolling through and was like "Wow, I use the same phrase or a small deviation quite often."   So I'm trying to curb that thing, but yeah.  In the realm of Nina news, today was kind of a boring day.   You guys won't get much in the way of like super input on this one, but today I did watch a fantastic movie.  

I'd been meaning to see it for awhile and today I just had the time, so I did it.  I watched Closer.   This is a movie, I distinctly remember watching when I was younger than I am.   We've had it for several years.   And when I was younger and definitely more of an unfocused mind, I didn't find it that interesting.   I didn't really get the concept.  I was also too young to really understand like the severity of some of the things that happened in the movie.   I really enjoyed it though.  I mean it's a cautionary tale for anyone who thinks that there is the perfect romance out there, but it's good.  It raises some interesting questions about how humans especially now, with the internet, deal with love and sex.  

And then there is the wonderful beauty that is Buffy the Vampire Slayer season 3 because it makes me feel better.  I had kind of a shite day with the partner sitch and Faith in season three just makes me feel way more five by five.    I mean she just makes feel a lot less violent because I get to be violent through her.   Does that make any sense?   I don't really know.   But yeah, she's awesome and she's totally one of my favorite characters of all time.  She's also portrayed by Eliza Dushku and I'm pretty sure Eliza as Faith was the first person I'm pretty sure I ever had sexual feelings for.  Not weird, just a thing.  

So yes, I've pretty much had a really lazy day and you know what?  I'm kind of okay with that because tomorrow is going to be an interesting day.   I live for these kinds of weeks when I can alternate the crazy intense days with the lazy days because then I have a chance to relax.   I have a chance to regenerate.   Hopefully you'll forgive me for this kind of strange little blog today.   This was kind of an indulgent one for me, but I'm trying not to talk about the same things in the vlogs and I say a lot in the vlogs.

Beda: Day 15: Philosophical Musings.

So today for everything I've done, I have little to show for it.   And I guess I'm being honest with you guys, that's nice.   That's a good thing.   We've got this anything goes honesty policy here.   I've been a lot more candid in writing stuff than I ever have been on the video blog.  Mainly because I express really well through writing.  I know that I can piss people off even if it isn't my intent in writing and I think that's oddly freeing.   Like I'm so worried about how people perceive me on the video blogs and I take like constant recognition of the numbers, but here it's less of that.  I'm more open and more to the point, I don't really care.

You'd think because of my background and everything that it's pretty much sunshine and roses through my life, but it's not and I accept that as fact.  I accept that as something that happens in my life.   I find that kind of comforting as well.   But I love bright colors and I love fun fonts and that is something that makes me happy.    So if it makes someone else happy even for just a split second and reading my accounts of my day connect with someone than this really has done it's job.   And that's a good thing.   I feel a lot more that I don't have to have a lot of stress.    This serves a better ratio of pleasure to words ratio.

In other news that isn't strange and philosophical, I found a great song.   Like freaking fantastic.  It's beautiful and intensely creepy but it's something that I enjoy so much, so I'm going to share it with you.   This is from the guys who made Repo! The Genetic Opera, so you have something to compare it to and if you haven't seen that then you need to get yourself down to a video store and rent it sir or ma'am.

I mean isn't it fantastic?  It's so delightfully creepy.  I can't wait to see if they make this one into a movie like Repo! and if they do I'm going to go see it.   Because it's soo good.  And Terrance Zdunich is so gorgeous in makeup.   Seriously, he's fairly normally looking without it but god, when he has the makeup on, he instantly has hot factor.

Beda: Day 13: A Love Story.

I fell in love and all at once.   Now, that's kind of a bold thing to say about another person.  I mean people are fickle creatures but there are other things that it makes sense to say such dramatic phrases about it. Like the art of Drama.  See what I did there?   Yeah, that's kind of my thing.   So I hoped you liked it. 

But I actually mean it.  I fell in love and all at once.  And I do this quite a lot with fiction.   I find something in it and I fall hopelessly in love with the idea.   It's what makes any type of story no matter what the medium matter.  You have to love it.   And love doesn't necessarily mean like it.   You can love a play and not like it.   You can "not love" the message, but it has to stir as great an emotion as love.   There's no two ways about it.   If it doesn't do that, then it's just meh and no one wants to be remembered as meh.  In fact no one is, because meh doesn't get a whole lot of talk.

Tonight's acquisiton of love was with Cabaret and all the performances.  Now, as needing to see the show anyway, it wasn't like anyone forced my hand to see the show.   In fact, even if I hadn't needed to see I would have wanted to and made the time to come.   Many of my friends were in the production and well, I want to support them.   But above all that, they are professionals.   They are actors who love the stage and the act of performance and they gave a stand up act. 

That's something I really haven't seen. The Stand-up act.   This is a show that everyone stood for at the end because it was beautifully done.   It was skillfully executed and your heart broke with characters.   You knew what was happening and you felt it in your bones.   It wasn't just an act.  It was a real and that's the best thing that a performance can do.  It can make you feel the realness of the situation.

And with it, I give my heart gladly.   There was so much to talk about.   And I would reccomend that anyone see a production if they can.   It's something important.  It made me sad to hear the chatter around me that people didn't know it was about Nazis.  I was pretty sure everyone knew that much.   Or at least that they might have the decency to look a few things up before they came to the show.   But I won't  complain too much because the theatre was full and everyone stood.   That is all I can wish.   And I know that the Theatre is still alive and kickin' no matter what Hollywood has to say about it. 

There will always be theatre.   There will always be the people who go to Theatre productions and for that, I can only say thank you.   It's a magical place that I hope everyone has a chance to see something from at least once in their lives.   Because it's something that just old people do.   It's something that people do because they have a love of a performance.   And love creates love.

Beda: Day 12: Sitting, Internet, Theatre, and Books.

So today, I'm going to try and not be all cross even though I want to be.  Because that's wrong and you guys don't deserve it.  Not everything in my life is bad but sometimes it feels that way.   And really in the scheme of things, today was a relatively good day.  I just did a lot of useless sitting.   And that's something that I really kind of hate.   I mean I LIKE sitting, but I don't want to just sit.  I want to do something.  I want to be learning something or actively doing something of my choosing.

When I'm at school and have these longs breaks where I'm just sitting around, I'm more passive than at any point in my life.   It's just not fun to sit around and do the cool things when you think everyone in the building could potentially run over and look over your shoulder.   And that's just, that's really not something you ever want to have happen.  It's not fun.   So I spend most of my time refreshing Youtube or going on some of the safer sites.   I still keep my twitter up in the background, but there are things that I just don't get to do at school which is not what I want to do.   Then to top it off, today, my scene partner bailed.   And this was honestly one of the most important days that she could have bailed on.   And it just boggles my mind.   I mean short of open heart surgery she really should have pushed it off until later and come because she's not only affecting her grade, but mine.

But thankfully Tim understood about the entire situation.   He really is a lovely man and I cannot say enough good things about him.   I can't wait for tomorrow when I get to see Cabaret as a patron of the arts.  I've heard really good things about his rendition and so many of my friends are in the play and it's just so exciting.   More exciting than anything you guys can possibly imagine if you aren't in the realm of the theatre.  It isn't like a movie premiere, it's something quite more altogether, I think for everyone involved.   So yeah, that's a thing in my life. 

But other than that, I started a new book, that I'm about a quarter of the way done with.   I need to read more over the summer, which actually shouldn't be a problem.   I'm a fairly fast reader when I don't have school to interfere with things.   So yes, I'm not technically behind yet, but I was very close to being if I didn't read a book this month and I have so that is very good.   I need to find some new books...and convince my mom to let me buy some new books.  Because yeah, I want more books.   I want so many books and I just don't know where to start crossing books off the list.   Seriously my main two expenditures in adult life: books and food.   Who would buy anything else?

Maybe in a couple of days, for BEDA, I will do a book review.   Who knows?   I certainly don't.  These things go day by day and now I think I'm going to write some more.

Beda: Day 10: Matt and Andrew.

So yeah, I almost forgot to do my blog and photo tonight but I'm doing it.  I'm doing this.   I'm not failing these challenges.   So now we talk about the day and stuff.   Because that's what people do on blogs and I'm like a legitimate person of letters.   Yes, ten o'clock and I forget these things but when there is still time.

So today was Matt Bomer day which to anyone who isn't me or one of my friends is the name I gave today because Glee was on and Matt Bomer was guest-starring.   He's just plain gorgeous.  I mean in my VEDA, I gave you my celebrity crush as Jack Davenport, but let's not be unreal, I have a lot of celebrity crushes and Matt is one of them.   I mean it's hard not to like him.   He just seems so damn nice and he acts well and he's gorgeous.   He's all the best qualities wrapped up into one man.

Today, I also got to really get in depth into the mind of Cecily Cardew who I thoroughly enjoy as a character.   She's quite unlike many of the other characters I have played who always kind of have these over the top emotions or feelings.   And Cecily is kind of wonderfully normal.   I adore her for that because it's so different to be.

And I watched all the monday shows which I didn't get to yesterday, there were many things that I could tell you about but most of that would bore you.   This blog after all is not about all the TV shows I watch but indeed about my life.   Keeping with that, there was not really much at all going on in my life.

Oh, wait a minute!  There is one thing.  While Browsing twitter today, I thought I had not been following Andrew Slack, the director of the Harry Potter alliance.   So I went to look for him and found that I was following him.   Naturally, of course, I tweeted about this funny story.   And he tweeted me back.  HE TWEETED ME BACK!  That was so freaking insane.   I feel like a prepubescent girl at a one direction concert.   And then he followed me which was just a great more deal of pleasure.   So yeah, that was the really interesting part of the day.

Beda: Day 9: IC Drama.

At home today and one thing I'm glad I'm not really part of.   You know, the things?  I'm actually proud I'm not in one of the many circles of drama that I know about.   It's not really something that I really enjoy being a part of.  I mean I'm part of a dramatic crowd normally but yeah, this is something that I don't enjoy.

Now, I mean I know I'm not the only one who just gets that glad feeling when I don't get in the middle of drama.   Who actually wants to be a part of it?   Who cares about the petty problems that other people have.  Other people suck much balls.   And quite frankly what I want is other people to just kind of get their heads out of their rear ends.   Saying things on the internet in an insulting manner and starting a fight is dumb and I can't stand when people do it.

And this is coming from someone who has been bullied by someone online.   I don't honestly give a damn about most people's opinions but you really have to take into consideration, who you're dealing with.   Keep it calm and do as your mother said when you were little.   If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all.

And then there's personal life drama which I'm also glad I'm not a part of, it just seems so complicated and that's not the person I am right now.   I'm someone who has a very different opinion on things than might be popular in the world.   Guess how much I care?  Oh did you guess more than zero?  Sorry, that's wrong.  It's zero.  I care zero percent about how my opinions reflect the world's popular opinion.   Because I'm not trying to demean anyone, I'm just putting it out there.

Also, don't be offended if you ask my opinion.  I say that at the onset.  Just doesn't work.

Beda: Day 7: It's been a week.

It's been a week and what a week it has been.   I've talked about a lot of things on this blog, but not really how well the blog is going.   So I guess that's what I'll talk about today because that just seems kind of chill and whatnot.  And I'm always down for chill.   I hope you guys are too.   But since I can't see you and this is my blog, guess what?   Going on with it anyway.

One of the things I've noticed is that I've done these pretty much all late at night, making sure I have something interesting to say to you guys.   I mean I think I may have put my Team Youtube one up a little bit earlier, but not much.  It was still evening when that one went up if it went up earlier than the night because that's how I roll.   I mean I just want to make sure that I capture everything for you guys and this is something that I strive to do.   So I want to make it as good as possible.   But that also means a lot of other things.

Like the potential that I could forget one of these and then lose my challenges, which I don't think so.  Not going to happen.   So yeah, next week my challenge is to get at least two blogs up earlier than evening no later than Day 14.   Maybe we'll make that a habit.   These little challenges keep me motivated to do better and to find more time to write and stuff in my daily life.   Because I'm here for you guys but I'm also here for me.   And what I need is to find some greater confidence about these blogs.

I know not many people, if any people at all read my blogs.   They would much rather watch me on the vlogs, but still this is who I am.  I want to do this so that maybe someone stumbles across this blog and for one second I make their life better.  If that happens, I will have done my job.   So anything to keep it new and fresh and entertaining because entertaining is a whole new ball game for me but something I want to enjoy. 

These have been fairly long though and that's something I'm proud of.   I'm writing because I want to write and that's who I am.   Not because I just thought it would be fun to do a challenge.   No, I really did want to challenge myself and make new content across several fields that weren't getting as much content.   And it's a full job running all of these things but I'm glad I'm doing it.   I'm glad I'm having a good time and doing as much as I can. 

Ulitmately, I'm feeling strong about how little time it takes if you just plan some stuff out and have the confidence to go through with it.  I never thought I would be doing a week's worth of vlogs consecutively but here I am.  I'm growing stronger.   And I hope to keep it going for the next three weeks and three days.

Beda: Day 6: Sleeping time.

God, I'm just tired today.  I'ven't done anything.  I mean that counts as kind of a win, but i'd much rather have done something than sit around all day "appreciating" my fine leg pain.   Yeah, stupid thing still hurts but I'm just overreacting according to other parties, who don't include a doctor I might add and so nothing has been done about it.   Hopefully, nothing's super wrong.   Seriously, if there's a tumor or something in my leg, I'm going to flip a table a la "Real housewives" and I wouldn't care who's around.

honestly, I just want to rage a little bit.  I mean other people are cool enough, but right now, I am just so angry and tired that I think I want to go to sleep.   Because hoenstly, I'll probably wake up in the morning and generally feel like a bitch for posting this blog, but I'm not right now.  I'm sorry it's short and all but I didn't promise long blogs, just that there would be one everyday.

Beda: Day 5: Team YouTube

Today for me has been all about Team YouTube.  

I'm aware that some of you might not be aware of what that is.   It's the first season of the new series, Escape Routes, which is a reality show on NBC.   It's all about social media in the modern world and uses that to actually affect the outcomes of the show.

Now, as you guys know, I'm a YouTuber.   I'm a vlogger.   And I very much stand behind the people who christened themselves from the start "Team YouTube," Brett and Ross.   They are so awesome.  Literally there are not enough words in our language for me to espouse their greatness.  It's just awesome.   And it helps that they are so nice and try to answer as much as possible.

Today, I woke up thinking about Team YouTube because it's just great, it finds so much freedom.   It has things that are literally just blowing my mind.   But the biggest thing about Team YouTube is how quickly they got people to rally and how quickly we are to form the community.   That's the great thing about this.   It takes our great community aspect and throws it into making the best team it possibly can and see how they measure up.

It shows that YouTube isn't just that crazy corporate thing that it is portrayed as.  It's still us.   We're still in it to win it.   We love it and we are the ones who define it with our community.   They didn't win the challenge and so the prize did not go to our community but they did get the fastest times on the social media bit and it was just phenomenal.   I couldn't believe it.   Being part of this is being part of a family.

It's challenging to love people so quickly, but facillitating the exchange of thoughts and ideas makes it so much easier, especially when you can see people's faces.   It provides so much in this digital age to connect to.   If Brett and Ross don't personify that I don't know what does.

Beda: Day 3: Compliments and Hard Work

With my latest blog post about how i've been horribly procrastinating on my assignment which is do tomorrow, I've become a little more confident in things.   I've done some beautiful work in the past twenty four hours, typing reviews and printing articles like a boss. 

Honestly, I think I needed someone to be responsible to.   I know it seems weird, but since I posted that blog I've had that feeling of "someone will be disappointed in me if I don't do this." and so I've done it.  I knew I needed to do it before and I even knew that the deadline was tomorrow, I just didn't do it.   Not until I really set myself up to do it.  Which meant telling the entire world about what I haven't done yet.   And yes, I'm a little bit ashamed of myself for having to stoop to that level, but it gave me the encouragement I needed.  

Now, I've got twenty-five articles done with just five more to go to review.   Compared to the fact that none were done before this week, I put that in the plus column.   I can do things that I don't like to do, I just have to work harder at them and have the inspiration to do them.   Which is why I love the internet sooo much.   I pretty much live here and you guys are my roommates ready to call me out on not doing my shit.   Because you won't take it.  People want to see the best for me.   And that's what I get just from writing these little BEDA blogs on the internet.

On a more positive note of schoolworthy things, I got my critique back from my professor in acting for my shakespeare monologue.   Let me first preface this whole paragraph with the fact that I've known this man for three semesters and he makes me want to be better.   I've always taken what he says to heart.   I like his feedback, I think it's insightful.   Most of all, I just respect him so much.   He gave me the best review he's given me.   And anything else just vanished.   All the crap I dealt with during the day, it just went out into the universe because he cared about my work and liked it.   And he's a teacher that I know wouldn't just blow smoke at me because he thinks it would make me feel better.   He really is committed to seeing all of his actors do their best work.

School is one of those things I find so enamouring.   I find the idea that I can learn so many new skill sets just a wonder.   I want to learn as much as I possibly can and it makes me feel like the absolute best to be in a class with people who care.   So far, I've been very lucky in that I've met people and had classes that I really truly cared about.   There was one class that was hard and I didn't really care about, but it was the exception to the rule.  I find that I might be the only person I know who shares that opinion of school.   There is so much to explore and learn out there, why wouldn't you want to have that knowledge?  With so many things to do, why not try them all?

Beda: Day 2: Procrastination

Okay, so I'm reminded of a joke from a meekakitty video.   She said that her choir teacher told it.   He would ask "Who here is good at procrastination"....and then people would raise their hand and then he would say "Then, why do need to keep practicing it?" 

And yeah, I kind of wish that I had someone ask me that like a week ago when I should have been doing all this work that I'm doing right now.   Thankfully, good news is that I got all the printing done and now it's all writing the write ups.   Well, it's getting there.   From the time this is coming to you, I've probably been working on the writing for about an hour or two and I've gotten about half of it done.   And yeah, it's amazing what kind of fire you can get in when the fear of failing gets to you.

And I've always known I work the best under this kind of pressure that I have a deadline and I have to get it done and if I don't buckle down and do it immediately, that nothing will be done and there will be consequences.   But usually I have at least some of it done before the mass writing spree that is things that I do.  So yeah, I'm feeling a little stressed.   I did however get PADA and VEDA done for today before I settled into the thick of the article reading and stuff.

This is the first like really intensive project that I've had to do this semester and I feel a little bad for letting it slack for as long as I did, but it's not like there's something that I can do about it and at the end of the day if this is what I need to, I guess there's no arguing with that.   And it is good for my skin.   The crazy skin I have which constantly craves the stress.   Seriously, on Spring Break and relaxing weekends and stuff, I break out but such is not the case when I've got four major projects going on at the same time.   So anyway, yeah.   I just needed to talk about that. 

Because yeah, my life for the next couple of day is going to be articles whenever I can.   Hope this assignment comes out okay. :]