Another Book Finished!

I finished Delirium which was such a good book.  It took me a little while longer because some of the parts were really slow but once you got to the last twenty percent, oh my god, I was hooked.  There was just so much in that last bit that fulfilled me in so many ways.  I really loved it because it was just, it was different.  It was different than a lot of the things I've read in the dystopian setting.  The people weren't aware of how bad it was.

Honestly, it actually reminds me of what I liked so much about Brave New World  even though everyone around me hated it.  I liked it because I knew things were bad and I was getting this glimpse into life that they didn't see.  This is what could have been.  People are complacent with the way things are and that is a terrifying future.   It just holds so much illusion that this world is prettier than it is for people.

So on that note, I'm really glad I get to put it in the read book list.  I think now, I'm going to read pride and prejudice, along with probably the Hunger Games again.  I really want to reread that book because this was just moving and I know that the two books couldn't be farther apart but I'm so into the dystopia right now, it's a little bit crazy.  Only two books away from completing another resolution of mine.   This is insane.  I've never finished one resolution, let alone two.  This is a happy and spirited time for me and I hope that all of you are having just as good of a time as I am.  

Novel Excerpt: Novel As of Yet Untitled

Okay, so let me tell you a little bit about this, it's an excerpt of my novel as the title suggests and the basic rundown is that it is about a woman caught in the middle of three love stories that kind of collide into each other.  This is one of the really sad moments.

I was determined to make that day more productive with everyone. I wanted everyone to be a little bit happier and I tried to do that. No one really noticed. Jon was distracted by his damn phone all day and it was driving me crazy. I didn't say anything. I didn't want to set things off again. God, it was really hard though.

When I came home and saw Don though, he didn't really want to do anything either. He was either busy researching or doing some work. I wasn't even sure where they had gone, but they certainly left me behind.

I let it go on for a few days like that, until I was just done with it. I was done with them both. I was done with the way they were treating me and how this was coming out. I was not someone they could idly toss away like a gum wrapper. I knew that I would have to do something drastic with each of them. Jon was fairly easy. I would just not go to work. Don was a little harder to plan for because I had never really wanted to get his attention this badly. I didn't know what worked on him. I would have to find it.

So on Friday, I didn't go into work. Donovan looked a little confused when he left for work. He didn't ask but he knew something was up.

My normal time for being at Jon's came and went. He called and I didn't answer. This was the way things had to be, I told myself. You have to keep up this or he won't get it. He facebooked and I deleted the messages. He DMed on twitter and I didn't bother. I had to cut him off from everything. Eventually he would come around. He stopped everything for awhile. I could tell he was trying to work without me. It lasted than it normally did, but that wasn't really surprising to me. He had built up some tolerance for being on his own but he would come around.

I did other things while he tried to work. I watched television. I cooked lunch for myself. I put my hair up. I looked up actors. Anything to not give into the urge to go to him. It was always like this. It was a battle but I would do it. I would do it.

At about Four in the Afternoon, my doorbell rang. I fluffed up the pillows and arranged them perfectly and let it wait for a minute.

The ringing became more incessant and I smiled. I went over and opened the door and he just walked on in. I had won. I had won. He was over here. He couldn't stand it. “What the hell is wrong?” He asked, a little angry but I tried not to let it hurt. I knew it was for the best. I knew that this was what he needed. He only yelled and he was only angry because he cared about me.

“What's wrong? You mean beside you and Don completely acting like I'm not even here? Besides that there's nothing wrong.” I told him.

He looked hurt. “I don't do that.” He admonished.

“Yes, you do, Jon. You were so distracted with your phone yesterday that you didn't even care what I had to say. I know because during that time you promised to take me and Don to the eiffel tower.” I told him.

“What?” He asked.

I shook my head, “That's exactly my point. You didn't even care. I need to be able to give myself over to you and if you're not going to listen to me, I'm not going to come to work. You knew that this was coming.” I told him.

“What happened with you and Don?” He asked.

I didn't want to talk about that with him, not right now, “Babe, I love you, I want you to know that, but Don and I right now is something completely different than me and you. And right now, I'm dealing with you, so we're not talking about it.”

“Look, I'm sorry for the phone thing, I'll try to stop.” He said.

That made me angry. He wasn't even going to give me a straight answer. “Look, this isn't about trying this, is about actually stopping. Who were you texting or whatever anyway?” I asked.

He looked like he might lie to me for a minute. I didn't even want to hear that kind of thing, “Look, Jill, it's not that simple.”

“How is it not that simple? I asked you a simple question. Who are you texting that's taking time away from our work time? That's a simple question with a simple answer.” Why couldn't he even tell me what I wanted to know. Why couldn't we get to the bottom of this? That's all I wanted. So we could work together in awesome harmony together again.

“I can't tell you. You'll get mad.” He said.

“I'm more mad that you won't tell me than whoever it could possibly be. So why don't you just spit it out?”

“Fine, but don't say I didn't warn you.”

“Fine.”

He looked at me like he still wasn't sure. God, this killed. I wasn't even sure I could handle it, “I've been texting Jayne. She's really nervous and she likes having someone she can talk to. She's just been hard on her luck lately, Jill.”

I just sat there and blinked at him. He wasn't telling me something. And it was killing our relationship. That phone and Jayne and all of it was killing our relationship. “It's not just that she's nervous.” I told him. I didn't even ask.

“No, technically not.”

I was furious and up to my eyeballs in the “technically” crap from everyone. I was done with it.

“Just cut the crap, tell me the truth Jon. You know as well as I do, I'm not dumb and I know something is going with you” I shouted.

“I'm sleeping with her. We're dating.” He said. It was like a slap in the face.

“Get out.”

“What?” he asked. He didn't even know what was happening.

“You heard me. Get. Out.” I didn't even look at him.

“You've got to be kidding me Jill,” He said. I didn't even want him in here. I wanted him gone. I wanted to cry. I wanted him to just understand that this was a lot to go through right now.

“You can't even telling me that you're dating her before you ignore me. Get. Out. Of. My. House.” I said as a lone tear streamed down my face. It couldn't even wait.

“Jill,” He said and he tried to make it up. I couldn't even take it.

“Go. Away.”

I never understood what people meant about being heartbroken until that day. Donovan didn't come home until late and I was wrapped up in our comforter, tear tracks stained on my face, eyes red and puffy, and he didn't say anything.

That was when he started figuring things out. Something was wrong.

I didn't even want to get out of bed the next day. I didn't want to go to work. So I didn't. Donovan brought me coffee. I didn't drink it. I didn't do anything. I just kind of stayed there in my caccoon and cried and ate a little bit.

He didn't call, didn't text, didn't facebook, didn't twitter, didn't email, didn't come over.

Part of me was upset with how pathetic this looked, but I hurt and I couldn't even find the will to get very far. I got my computer and started writing again. I did what I had to do. I kept emails short and impersonal when sending them to Jonathan. He did the same. We were detached from each other. We didn't even look like we cared.

It's Been Awhile

It's been more than a week and I'm sorry for that.  I will try to keep a bit better tabs on this thing.  But let's talk about this week and why I've been a bit too busy to entertain you.  The main reason is that I contracted the tiny chickens disease.

For those of you who are not nerdfighters, that means I came down with a cold.  What happened was kind of like this.  Day one: Bad Headaches.  Day Two: Bad headaches and appetite kind of out of wonk. Day Three: Snot and Crap. Day Four: Oh my god, please let me die, because this is just horrible.  So yeah, I have been sick now for about a week and things are finally starting to turn up.  There's no headaches.  Finally, there's starting to be less snot and stuff, but the chickens seem to be evacuating my nasal cavity so that is all good.

The other things are that I like to be extremely loud when I type so on Sunday on the worst of me being sick, we (meaning me, my three younger siblings, and our five dogs) were relegated to the upstairs and had to be super effing quiet because my mother was filming in our downstairs which was more or less a nightmare for me.  So typing was basically, in my room, trying to be as quiet as I possibly could while being sick and kind of just hating life in general.

On monday, I went to go babysit some kids and just didn't think to blog.  Probably wouldn't have been that interesting anyway.

But I have also finished another book to add to the Books I've read collection page, so I'm glad to have done that.  I read Maureen Johnson's "13 Little Blue Envelopes" and it was FANTASTIC.  It was an easy read.  I started it on Monday and finished it today but I really only read in chunks of like one or two hours.   So that was nice.  It was really super quick and something I would recommend to a few people.   Because it was like being on an adventure without having to pay for it.

Oh, I've also written words.  I don't know if I told you last time how many words I was at, but currently I'm at 18K, almost 19K and so it's going along smoothly.  Once I finish it, I will tell you what it's about but the crazy thing about my brain is that I don't like to tell anyone.  I keep the goal inside or else I'll never do it.   And so I thank you guys for your patience, but it's gonna be here I promise.

Video blogging is a thing I should get back to.  I haven't done it in awhile and that's something I want to do again.  I wasn't going to do it while I was sick and there was a couple of other things that were just affecting a lot of stuff.  But I'm back on being on the road to completing things.   Hopefully, you'll see me soon.

DFTBA Darlings,
Nina x

Finished the Book!

For the first time ever, I have FINISHED the book "Wicked: The Life and Times of the Wicked Witch of the West" and I have to say that I liked it.  This would have been a book that had someone told me kind offhandedly about one thing that happens at the very end of the book to a relatively uneventful character that you don't meet until the last fourth of the book, I wouldn't have read it.  Why you ask?  Because that character is a dog and it dies.  Having five dogs of my very own and already having lost one, I'm very big on my pups, but it isn't even because of that.  It's because I have this thing where I can't handle an innocent dying.  Like I just can't handle it.

And I mean this could be construed as I'm a pro-life stance in politics, but no.  Sorry to those you who think I think that. I'm pro-choice.  I would rather you get rid of your child before it experiences any pain or suffering if you are not ready in any way.  But no, the killing of an innocent upsets because they don't know what they did or why they are dying.   They don't know how to come to that conclusion and it's really just something that's emotionally stressful.  Like if [enter serial crime drama here], the killer kills the dog or cat before taking out the human or I see that.  I cannot watch that episode.  Like the worst thing a killer could do to me is hurt my pets and hurt my animals because they are innocent. 

And I mean like I can get behind some pretty gruesome murders when it comes to adults because I can sort of kind of justify that they did something or knew something that changed their life forever and they got to experience most of what life had to offer.  They also knew what the world was like.  They knew the world was a bitch and cold an indifferent.  You could murder a whole bus full of adults and it still wouldn't have the same emotional impact on me than killing one dog or cat or one child.  It just wouldn't.

But yes, other than that small detail which turned into a very long talk, I think it was a good book.  I liked it a lot.  I enjoyed reading.  It was broken up into chunks big enough to be interesting and short enough to be manageable from day to day things.  I mean the pacing could have picked up.  I think that was one of the issues of why I had picked up this book so many times and failed to finish all the way through until today.  The characters also could have had a little more interaction or made me care about them a little more.  I just for most of the character I didn't care if they lived or died which presented kind of a moral dilemna with some characters because you're supposed to care and you're supposed to have these big moments about their death when you don't care enough about it.

But yeah, overall a good book.  I think that I would recommend it to a few people, but definitely not most people.  Just because it takes a while to get into it and for most people that just won't work.

Writing and Design.

With all the craziness of school and a couple of other things, I've neglected my poor little blog and I'm sorry for that.  My dad is leaving tomorrow and I've already had the pangs because I know he's going to leave.   And that kind precognition does not make things easier.   As I've grown up and understood more of the fatality around the world, it gets scarier to let him go without a swell of emotion.   But this isn't entirely about that.   This is about being in a place where I can write again.

I'm writing what could concievably become a book.   I've written about 6K in words and I'm very excited for this.   Because it means I'm writing again.  And it doesn't mean it's great, but I just want to get back into it.  I want to say this first and foremost, my books don't particularly mention race, so they could be given to the mind's eye as whatever color the reader feels comfortable with, but in my mind, I've always seen them as white.  It's not because I don't like other races, it's just that's what I'm most comfortable with.

I feel like if, hypothetically, I were really rich and famous from my books and I were to come out and say that even though my books do not portray skin color as a defining factor of that I might be ostracized because I don't care.   I mean the color of the person on the book doesn't really matter to me so much as the people inside the book.   And I tend to get books that have less of a person on them and more with an abstract design that totally represents some part of the book.  It's not that I don't like books with people on the covers, because that's not true, but it's just something I've been thinking about.

Because I eventually want my books to go into print and I want them to be accessible to all readers, not just the ones who pick it up because they like the person on the front of the book.   That's silly.  I don't like to do it that way.   But I'll be updating you guys on how this is going and hopefully it will become something wonderful.

Let's just say that if I could finish two novels this year, I would be extremely happy.  I would be over the moon.   That would just be so incredible.   I've always wanted to do this.  I've always wanted to be a novelist, but up until recently, I've never found that I could complete them.   Maybe this has started a new chapter in my life and if it has, I'm incredibly excited to see where it leads because this is just as much of a mystery to me as it is to you.   Thanks for being with me.   Thanks for taking the time and knowing I had to relax.  I'll always come back to you guys though.  I always do.

Beda: Day 21: My Editing Process.

I never knew how exactly hard yet easy it was going to be to edit a novel.  I mean I've written things before and reworked them and gone back and cringed at old work I had sitting on the internet, but revising this is an entirely new ballgame. 

First of all, it's not something I can just do on my computer.  I actually had to print it out so it was easier to read and see what changes I wanted to make.   Mostly because if I don't agree with these changes later, I don't have to make them and I can throw the draft out.   And by throw out, I do mean recycle because that would a lot of paper to just waste on putting in the wrong bin.   Seriously this manuscript is over 60 pages.

It's easy in the fact that this doesn't really feel like my work.  I can critique at a distance and put the much needed edits into it.   Which is something I never thought I would be able to do.   I'm typically more assured in my work than that and it's often not till several years later when I'm bored and decided to have a read at some of my old work that I realize how much I could have used an edit button.   I truly mean that.   But no, that part is actually going remarkably great.   I'm also not at that point where everything is total crap, like writers often go through.  I just I have the distance and that's what I needed.

It's hard in the fact that it is very technically time consuming.  I often have to read paragraphs or sentences over again because I'm not sure how they feel.   I have to mull them around.   And that's a little bit frustrating.   As someone who virtually has a judgment on something the second she is presented with it, this mulling process is fairly long and laborious.   And that maddens me a little bit.   For the past two days I've been editing on and off and I've only gotten through 8 pages.   Not even 8.   Like 7 and 3/4.   And that was only the first two chapters.   There are at least like 20 Chapters in the whole thing.   I don't exactly remember. 

This manuscript has all the words I wrote and I'll always be incredibly proud of that, but I'm really glad I'm taking this time to make it better.   To see what else to do with it.  And I think this is making me a better writer.   I can see what works for me and what doesn't.   And no, I'ven't finshed the novel for this year.   It's still on my list of things to do, but I work best under pressure and I wrote this novel in November, maybe I'll write all my novels via NaNoWriMo.

Maybe in November when NaNoWriMo comes around I'll have to blog about how well things are going without giving any details away because then I'm never motivated to finish.   And I'm determined to write a novel this year.   Again.   Because I like writing.   And While I love doing blogposts, my heart is with the fiction.

Beda: Day 14: Pottermore and Libraries.

Today had some exciting moments in it.   I mean I know it's Saturday and I stayed at home all day but no, it was actually really cool.   I had a really good time.   The main thing being I'm still on track for all of my April Challenges.  I'm still doing really well and that's great.  I get these feelings and it's good stuff.  It's high energy and it's the works.   And I want to finish.  Like it's seemed like even though I'm doing all of these projects at the same time that April has kind of stretched out and decided to lounge a little bit, which is nice, but also a little bit distressing.

But onto the first good thing that happened today, and that is that Pottermore opened.  I mean I've been excited about Pottermore ever since it was announced.  Then it took forever for it to be released to the general public and I was checking the Insider everyday to see what was happening.   But today was the day I could get in and get rolling with it and it was awesome.  I signed up and started getting into the first book which was pretty amazing.  The first book is the hardest to read even though it's on a very basic reading level because it has to set up so much stuff for the later books.  With Pottermore it was actively engaging and I could see where it might not be as boring to read anymore.   So that was definitely a great advantage.

I didn't go far into it, I only finished through about chapter seven which I suppose is a little than half of book one, but still, it was so nice to see the dream finally coming to life.   I said I didn't really care about this part, but I lied.  I did care.    I cared a lot about this part and now that I have it, it's wonderful to see what good and new things are coming out of it. 

The only kind of bittersweet thing about this is that I couldn't tell my best friend about it the second I got into it because he's at some kind theatre boot camp thing.   But I guess that will make it even more exciting when he comes back.   It's one of those things I'm really excited to share with him.   Because Harry Potter formed a big part of our bond and it's exciting to have this new information to discuss and share with each other and gab about.  

And I went on a little bit of a Google Image Search for wallpapers and found plenty of amazing ones.  I don't tend to go with anything except really cool designs that are very futuristic, very sci-fi.   I know that I'll even go and put very specific video game titles in the search along with city scape to get the kind of wallpaper I'm looking for.  But today was cool libraries and futuristic libraries and boy did I find plenty?  I'm just super glad to find that kind of design element to put as my wallpaper because what could express more of my personality?  I don't really think anything could.   And so with that I bid good night.   I hope everyone is having a great weekend and I'll see you tomorrow.

Beda: Day 12: Sitting, Internet, Theatre, and Books.

So today, I'm going to try and not be all cross even though I want to be.  Because that's wrong and you guys don't deserve it.  Not everything in my life is bad but sometimes it feels that way.   And really in the scheme of things, today was a relatively good day.  I just did a lot of useless sitting.   And that's something that I really kind of hate.   I mean I LIKE sitting, but I don't want to just sit.  I want to do something.  I want to be learning something or actively doing something of my choosing.

When I'm at school and have these longs breaks where I'm just sitting around, I'm more passive than at any point in my life.   It's just not fun to sit around and do the cool things when you think everyone in the building could potentially run over and look over your shoulder.   And that's just, that's really not something you ever want to have happen.  It's not fun.   So I spend most of my time refreshing Youtube or going on some of the safer sites.   I still keep my twitter up in the background, but there are things that I just don't get to do at school which is not what I want to do.   Then to top it off, today, my scene partner bailed.   And this was honestly one of the most important days that she could have bailed on.   And it just boggles my mind.   I mean short of open heart surgery she really should have pushed it off until later and come because she's not only affecting her grade, but mine.

But thankfully Tim understood about the entire situation.   He really is a lovely man and I cannot say enough good things about him.   I can't wait for tomorrow when I get to see Cabaret as a patron of the arts.  I've heard really good things about his rendition and so many of my friends are in the play and it's just so exciting.   More exciting than anything you guys can possibly imagine if you aren't in the realm of the theatre.  It isn't like a movie premiere, it's something quite more altogether, I think for everyone involved.   So yeah, that's a thing in my life. 

But other than that, I started a new book, that I'm about a quarter of the way done with.   I need to read more over the summer, which actually shouldn't be a problem.   I'm a fairly fast reader when I don't have school to interfere with things.   So yes, I'm not technically behind yet, but I was very close to being if I didn't read a book this month and I have so that is very good.   I need to find some new books...and convince my mom to let me buy some new books.  Because yeah, I want more books.   I want so many books and I just don't know where to start crossing books off the list.   Seriously my main two expenditures in adult life: books and food.   Who would buy anything else?

Maybe in a couple of days, for BEDA, I will do a book review.   Who knows?   I certainly don't.  These things go day by day and now I think I'm going to write some more.