Experiencing a Moment

Some experiences take a long time and some happen all at once.  It's this brilliant way of being human that is so fantastic and so incredibly strange, but in all of its glory, very very beautiful.

It's not that I've never noticed this before.  I notice it all the time, but somehow today, it seems worth talking about.  Maybe it's because I've had so many experiences today that I've generally been truly grateful for.  

I've gotten to go and see a great person and share my stories.  I've gotten retweeted by someone I care about their opinions.  I've gotten to see one of the nicest and cleanest roadside stops on probably this face of the planet.  These are all really kind of instant things but they've all built from little things in me.   They've all built up from a string of incidents in my life.

The stories are something I'm proud of, but I don't want to share them with my family.  I think I'm scared of their judgment because I like them.  This is my talent and I like it too.   I mean there are these two things that I want so much for people to like and it's just hard blending those two things together. 

Getting to share those stories with soemone who cared, it might be something to take the chance on.  Maybe I should just email them to her and get her opinion.  I don't know how they are right now and who knows maybe she has some inspiring piece of story to help me along in my career.

With the idea that I've got someone who I like replying to me on twitter, I've liked a lot of things.  I like people.  I like things.   And I've gotten into a crazy world that I adore.  And I've met people I adore through it.  So when someone new and good comes into this circle, it's great.  As an actor, he's wonderful and seeing him vlog was just something amazing, it's a little piece of what I like in people. 

And I feel I need to tell people that I care.  I love people.   They need to know that their work is flourishing and the idea that comment made an impact makes me smile.  I've never wanted anything in my life other than to make comments that matter and/or touch people in a personal way.

That cleanest rest stop, well, let's just say i've seen walmarts smaller than it.  It's a place where people are connected by this crazy idea that they're all going somewhere.  They are all meeting family or friends or going to a new place and it's all just everyone is connected by this strange happiness.  It's happiness is reflected in it's ability to defy all expectations of rest stops and be bright and shiny.

Maybe we've all been exactly where I am now.  Maybe we haven't.  All I know is that life is crazy and complicated and beautiful in ways that I've never expected and that makes it fun.  Life is always worth living, even if someone tells you otherwise.  Maybe especially then.  Enjoy the experience and the ride because it's all crazy but no one gets to make your artwork.  You have that job.  Make it what you want to be.   And mine, well it's bright colors and wonderful pattern. 

Love Ya,
Nina x

Beda: Day 24: Successes.

There were lots of successes today.   School work while not being especially kind to me, does provide me with that key motivation toward success.    Even in creative projects like this one, probably most especially in creative projects like this one because I get so inspired when I have to do something else that I don't want to do, that I can't help but come and write at my computer for hours, in the name of career and art.

But today in English we took a citizenship test which I knew I could past most of it.  I knew I knew most of the answers and even with just these thirty questions, there was a good sampling of easy and hard questions, but evne hearing some of my class mates try to declare that there were 52 states today just made me weep a little bit.   These are all people registered with the state to go to college, so they are all residents and they don't know how many freaking states there are.   I mean above all other things at least know how many freaking states there are.   Have a little dignity.

Then there was acting where I got to act like a mean southern lady which never ceases to be of enjoyment.   It was just something to be marveled at.   I think we pulled it off rahter well, especially being one of the first female couples to go on.   

And then it was home to do my dance paper and that took for freaking ever.  Partially because it took forever to even work up the motivation to get to it and then I had to be looking for little plug in points and it just wasn't fun.   I mean eventually it got finished, but dear god the whole thing is a meshugunah.   And yes, I probably partially mad that word up, but you know what? Don't care.   Not my problem.   So yes, that's done though and it's so fantastic.   Especially for getting some of these assingments on Monday, I think I did reasonably in coping with the pressures of everything.

But overall, very kind of calm day, there were just a lot of assignments that I did not find highly amusing and you know what?  I'm in college and these things happen, but I just need to remember to take a deep breath and just float alone like the wonderful butterfly that I am.

Hope you guys thoroughly enjoyed your night and are going to have a good morning because seriously, I need to bed right now.   And this is goodbye.

Bye x,
Love you.

Beda: Day 16: A Rage Within?

Okay, so I've changed my background.   And to be quite honest, I'm not sure if I'm happy with it.  I mean I like the color of it, but I don't know, maybe it's the pattern or how there is not a lot of color in it, that's not agreeing with me.  But I'm not totally in favor of it.   But I did want something that was new and different and for now, that seems to be circles.   Tell me if you hate it, please?  Because if you hate it then I'll change it right away, but for right now, I guess it can stay.   Maybe I'll get used to it and like it for awhile.   I'll give it about till day 20 in BEDA and if I'm still not impressed then we're going to be changing, how about that?

So today, I got to play with clay which is one of the most thrilling experiences I've had in College.   Like I've met a lot of cool people and learned a lot of really neat things but really, none of that comes with the thrill factor of getting to work with some clay.   I mean I just love it.   I find it to be really relaxing and soothing and knowing what i'm doing is always a plus.  That's always fun.   I really enjoy that part. 

Mondays and Wednesdays are my very artistic days.   I go from Stage Makeup to Dance class which I currently just kind of watch, because of my bummed out leg, and then I go to Anthropology in which we are doing a facial reconstruction which starts out very artistically.   And so I do enjoy that part of my week.   It's very fulfilling to sit there and go to class and just have my mind exploded with all of this art.  Because ultimately that's what I want to do with my life is to create some kind of art.   I've said it before but it really can't be overstated.  I want to come out of somewhere and go that's what I want to do everyday and that's never happened if it hasn't been for my art.

Tomorrow I have to wear a skirt or a dress.   I'm still debating.  I was supposed to decide tonight but obviously that didn't happen.   I wish it had, but I can't exactly beg for anything.   Still, I just hope my partner knows her lines and everything goes smoothly.   Seriously, I might get violent if it doesn't because I worked really hard on this scene for it to be wasted by another person.   That's just not going to happen.   I won't let it.   I refuse to let someone sink my ship.   And maybe she had a good reason for bailing on me, but I can't really ever see that when she had more than enough oppurtunities to schedule with me, but didn't.   And yes, I was a little bit of a bitch and didn't answer her text today, but I was legitimately in class and that's exactly what I'm going to tell her tomorrow.   She doesn't like, she can suck it.

Oh and this was nearly late, because I almost forgot about it, but hey it's all good now right?  Because I got to you guys and you guys got a nice long slightly rant-y diatribe about what's happening in my life.   Sorry bout that.  Maybe it'll be different tomorrow.

Beda: Day 13: A Love Story.

I fell in love and all at once.   Now, that's kind of a bold thing to say about another person.  I mean people are fickle creatures but there are other things that it makes sense to say such dramatic phrases about it. Like the art of Drama.  See what I did there?   Yeah, that's kind of my thing.   So I hoped you liked it. 

But I actually mean it.  I fell in love and all at once.  And I do this quite a lot with fiction.   I find something in it and I fall hopelessly in love with the idea.   It's what makes any type of story no matter what the medium matter.  You have to love it.   And love doesn't necessarily mean like it.   You can love a play and not like it.   You can "not love" the message, but it has to stir as great an emotion as love.   There's no two ways about it.   If it doesn't do that, then it's just meh and no one wants to be remembered as meh.  In fact no one is, because meh doesn't get a whole lot of talk.

Tonight's acquisiton of love was with Cabaret and all the performances.  Now, as needing to see the show anyway, it wasn't like anyone forced my hand to see the show.   In fact, even if I hadn't needed to see I would have wanted to and made the time to come.   Many of my friends were in the production and well, I want to support them.   But above all that, they are professionals.   They are actors who love the stage and the act of performance and they gave a stand up act. 

That's something I really haven't seen. The Stand-up act.   This is a show that everyone stood for at the end because it was beautifully done.   It was skillfully executed and your heart broke with characters.   You knew what was happening and you felt it in your bones.   It wasn't just an act.  It was a real and that's the best thing that a performance can do.  It can make you feel the realness of the situation.

And with it, I give my heart gladly.   There was so much to talk about.   And I would reccomend that anyone see a production if they can.   It's something important.  It made me sad to hear the chatter around me that people didn't know it was about Nazis.  I was pretty sure everyone knew that much.   Or at least that they might have the decency to look a few things up before they came to the show.   But I won't  complain too much because the theatre was full and everyone stood.   That is all I can wish.   And I know that the Theatre is still alive and kickin' no matter what Hollywood has to say about it. 

There will always be theatre.   There will always be the people who go to Theatre productions and for that, I can only say thank you.   It's a magical place that I hope everyone has a chance to see something from at least once in their lives.   Because it's something that just old people do.   It's something that people do because they have a love of a performance.   And love creates love.

Beda: Day 10: Matt and Andrew.

So yeah, I almost forgot to do my blog and photo tonight but I'm doing it.  I'm doing this.   I'm not failing these challenges.   So now we talk about the day and stuff.   Because that's what people do on blogs and I'm like a legitimate person of letters.   Yes, ten o'clock and I forget these things but when there is still time.

So today was Matt Bomer day which to anyone who isn't me or one of my friends is the name I gave today because Glee was on and Matt Bomer was guest-starring.   He's just plain gorgeous.  I mean in my VEDA, I gave you my celebrity crush as Jack Davenport, but let's not be unreal, I have a lot of celebrity crushes and Matt is one of them.   I mean it's hard not to like him.   He just seems so damn nice and he acts well and he's gorgeous.   He's all the best qualities wrapped up into one man.

Today, I also got to really get in depth into the mind of Cecily Cardew who I thoroughly enjoy as a character.   She's quite unlike many of the other characters I have played who always kind of have these over the top emotions or feelings.   And Cecily is kind of wonderfully normal.   I adore her for that because it's so different to be.

And I watched all the monday shows which I didn't get to yesterday, there were many things that I could tell you about but most of that would bore you.   This blog after all is not about all the TV shows I watch but indeed about my life.   Keeping with that, there was not really much at all going on in my life.

Oh, wait a minute!  There is one thing.  While Browsing twitter today, I thought I had not been following Andrew Slack, the director of the Harry Potter alliance.   So I went to look for him and found that I was following him.   Naturally, of course, I tweeted about this funny story.   And he tweeted me back.  HE TWEETED ME BACK!  That was so freaking insane.   I feel like a prepubescent girl at a one direction concert.   And then he followed me which was just a great more deal of pleasure.   So yeah, that was the really interesting part of the day.

Beda: Day 4: Allergic Reactions

So today I was sick for a while.  I'm actually probably still sick.   That's the horrible thing about being sick is that it doesn't really just go away.   You have to barrel through it.   And you know, if it was just that I may have survived without medication.   But as always things couldn't be that f'ing simple.

So for those of you who don't know I take a stage makeup class.   In the time that I've been in this class I've never used the spirit gum till today which was honestly probably a good thing.   It's a special adhesive used for sticking stuff to skin and stuff for the screen and stage because sometimes you have to look a little different.

Today, our assignment was to do a scar which we did on our inner forearm which is a very reachable place and also probably a lot less sensitive than face skin.   So I got my scar made out of tissue done and i paint some of the spirit gum on my arm, not a big deal.   Lay down the scar, still not a big deal.   Everything goes fine until I start to put the massive amount of spirit gum it takes to keep this magical scar in place at which point my arm starts to itch.

I didn't really think anything of it.  I have sensitive skin that can change what it likes and dislikes on a dime.   So I just thought I was being a wuss about this, until I took the scar off, at which point where it had been laid started forming a rash.  And people started freaking out around me.   So yeah, I took my spirit gum remover which was within reach and basically got it off as quickly as I could and then the rash went down which was good, turned out to be just an irritant that I have to be careful of.   I love being in the theater but having sensitive skin is really hard in the business.   Just have to live and learn.  And that's what I've done. 

Doesn't seem as scary now, but it certainly did in that moment when everyone else was freaking out about me which normally doesn't happen at all.

Beda: Day 3: Compliments and Hard Work

With my latest blog post about how i've been horribly procrastinating on my assignment which is do tomorrow, I've become a little more confident in things.   I've done some beautiful work in the past twenty four hours, typing reviews and printing articles like a boss. 

Honestly, I think I needed someone to be responsible to.   I know it seems weird, but since I posted that blog I've had that feeling of "someone will be disappointed in me if I don't do this." and so I've done it.  I knew I needed to do it before and I even knew that the deadline was tomorrow, I just didn't do it.   Not until I really set myself up to do it.  Which meant telling the entire world about what I haven't done yet.   And yes, I'm a little bit ashamed of myself for having to stoop to that level, but it gave me the encouragement I needed.  

Now, I've got twenty-five articles done with just five more to go to review.   Compared to the fact that none were done before this week, I put that in the plus column.   I can do things that I don't like to do, I just have to work harder at them and have the inspiration to do them.   Which is why I love the internet sooo much.   I pretty much live here and you guys are my roommates ready to call me out on not doing my shit.   Because you won't take it.  People want to see the best for me.   And that's what I get just from writing these little BEDA blogs on the internet.

On a more positive note of schoolworthy things, I got my critique back from my professor in acting for my shakespeare monologue.   Let me first preface this whole paragraph with the fact that I've known this man for three semesters and he makes me want to be better.   I've always taken what he says to heart.   I like his feedback, I think it's insightful.   Most of all, I just respect him so much.   He gave me the best review he's given me.   And anything else just vanished.   All the crap I dealt with during the day, it just went out into the universe because he cared about my work and liked it.   And he's a teacher that I know wouldn't just blow smoke at me because he thinks it would make me feel better.   He really is committed to seeing all of his actors do their best work.

School is one of those things I find so enamouring.   I find the idea that I can learn so many new skill sets just a wonder.   I want to learn as much as I possibly can and it makes me feel like the absolute best to be in a class with people who care.   So far, I've been very lucky in that I've met people and had classes that I really truly cared about.   There was one class that was hard and I didn't really care about, but it was the exception to the rule.  I find that I might be the only person I know who shares that opinion of school.   There is so much to explore and learn out there, why wouldn't you want to have that knowledge?  With so many things to do, why not try them all?