Beda: Day 27: Nothing. I got nothing.

God, I'm tired but I swear on my life I'm getting these things out everyday.   I'm not really gonna post anything special.  In fact, only a couple of lines of text and I'm about done.  Early on in the evening I drank something I knew would make me sleeping before editing, it's not BEDA's fault or VEDA's fault for doing that, it's mine.   But honestly, nothing happened today but that I had a bunch of brats in my face because people send me their kids for an hour.  I don't  like kids.  At all.

Beda: Day 25: Creative Chaos.

You know, there's something that feels so right about being in a clean room.

I'm not saying that for no purpose.   Good news on the productivity front, I cleaned my room today and god it feels so good to be in a clean room rather than one that has everything everywhere.   I mean I like all the stuff being in the room but sometimes you have to get some of the stuff out of your life.   I don't care who you are.  It's just part of life and growing up.   Sometimes, the best way to detox is to throw stuff away.   My 13 year old self would not believe I would be giving myself this advice, but it's true 13 year old me.   We're throwing stuff away and you're going to like it.

Now, don't get me wrong, I love my creative chaos as much as the next person and it's all very nice to have that freedom of putting things anywhere, but sometimes you just need to contain it to boxes.   And really I guess that was all I was really looking for.  Because I mean things were getting everywhere and I just I couldn't think with all the things thinking at once and being like "Hey, we need lives too.   You're gonna pay attention to us right?" 

On the list of successful things I've done today, that has not been the only thing though.  I got a photo done.  And I got my dance paper turned in.   Not sure if the paper made any sense or I just repeated the one sentence in different words a bunch of times, but who know?   I don't even care.   I'm just gonna be superfly right now and just be like "fuck it, I get what I get"  I know that's not a great attitude to have towards classwork, but it's been a long semester and I just want to finish.   I however, have not, started on my makeup morgue which I actually need to get cracking on.   So I suppose tomorrow when I have free time I should do that.  

For right now, I'm going to count the little things.   I've been very good about getting stuff done on time and when it needed to be turned in.   So I have confidence in myself that I'll do it this time too.   Just can't worry.

Seriously, being in a clean room makes me really relaxed and it didn't even take that long.  Only a couple of hours and most of that was sorting through some of the junk that I was like, um, I should probably throw this out already and I already have that file stored on my computer, I can junk it.  But hey, sometimes you just got to think about those moments.

Hope everyone had a great day and I wish you all the best for tomorrow. 

Beda: Day 22: Video Editing.

Well today was interesting.   I filmed a video at two thirtyish and didn't really want to edit.    And for me that's kind of an alarming sign.   Because I like editing videos.  I'm not very good at it.  I'm quite frankly, probably terrible at editing, but I do like do it.  I like having that time with a video to make it good.   And Not wanting to make it good and not even caring to edit, means I'm not that interested in the raw materials which is worrisome. 

Honestly, I didn't want to edit that video because I didn't like it.  I had no passion for it.  It didn't have my voice.   There was nothing really said in it.   That's a problem.   I did however, watch some YouTube videos by people I really like and one of my friends posted how she didn't feel like her video self the past couple of days.   And that inspired my video.   My video was taking my two lives and kind of conceding that I had them.   It's not that I never talked about my personal life on a video, it's just that there was the weird in between space that I was slipping into.

And out of that, even though I had to distort the color and find ways to make it look better, where you could see my whole face, I really enjoyed the video.   Maybe it wasn't the best sound or video editing, but I did like the video and that's really important to me.   I want to put out products that I like and I want to keep watching again and again.   And in those moments in that video I was very real.  I was the person that I wanted to be.

So the video was a success.   In other news, I haven't done any editing of the novel today.  I should probably edit chapter 3 before bed.    I'm going to do that.   Editing the book is a treat even if it is abnormally long to do so.   I just think there's so much potential for this book to go places.   I don't know if there is another book on the market like it, but I love it.   I love it.  I love that I spent so much time writing it.   And even then, to most people thirty days is nothing.  To me that's a commitment that I don't take lightly in the slightest.   And I like month long challenges.  It makes it easier to manage.   I can tick off days.

I mean look at what we've done here.   Blogs this month make up over half of this blog and I'm proud of that.  I don't know if I'll keep up daily blogging, but I'm certainly going to try.  This is freeing and this is also part of who I am.   I'm a writer through and through and if I didn't write how my day went everyday, where would I be? I don't know, but I certainly love doing it.

And with that, I think I'm going to go.  I still have another page of a paper I have to write as well as getting some sources down.   Don't worry though, I'll be back tomorrow and you'll have a grand ol' time.   Go put on some music and dance.

Beda: Day 21: My Editing Process.

I never knew how exactly hard yet easy it was going to be to edit a novel.  I mean I've written things before and reworked them and gone back and cringed at old work I had sitting on the internet, but revising this is an entirely new ballgame. 

First of all, it's not something I can just do on my computer.  I actually had to print it out so it was easier to read and see what changes I wanted to make.   Mostly because if I don't agree with these changes later, I don't have to make them and I can throw the draft out.   And by throw out, I do mean recycle because that would a lot of paper to just waste on putting in the wrong bin.   Seriously this manuscript is over 60 pages.

It's easy in the fact that this doesn't really feel like my work.  I can critique at a distance and put the much needed edits into it.   Which is something I never thought I would be able to do.   I'm typically more assured in my work than that and it's often not till several years later when I'm bored and decided to have a read at some of my old work that I realize how much I could have used an edit button.   I truly mean that.   But no, that part is actually going remarkably great.   I'm also not at that point where everything is total crap, like writers often go through.  I just I have the distance and that's what I needed.

It's hard in the fact that it is very technically time consuming.  I often have to read paragraphs or sentences over again because I'm not sure how they feel.   I have to mull them around.   And that's a little bit frustrating.   As someone who virtually has a judgment on something the second she is presented with it, this mulling process is fairly long and laborious.   And that maddens me a little bit.   For the past two days I've been editing on and off and I've only gotten through 8 pages.   Not even 8.   Like 7 and 3/4.   And that was only the first two chapters.   There are at least like 20 Chapters in the whole thing.   I don't exactly remember. 

This manuscript has all the words I wrote and I'll always be incredibly proud of that, but I'm really glad I'm taking this time to make it better.   To see what else to do with it.  And I think this is making me a better writer.   I can see what works for me and what doesn't.   And no, I'ven't finshed the novel for this year.   It's still on my list of things to do, but I work best under pressure and I wrote this novel in November, maybe I'll write all my novels via NaNoWriMo.

Maybe in November when NaNoWriMo comes around I'll have to blog about how well things are going without giving any details away because then I'm never motivated to finish.   And I'm determined to write a novel this year.   Again.   Because I like writing.   And While I love doing blogposts, my heart is with the fiction.