Beda: Day 30: Thoughts from the end.

So this is the last Blog in a row for BEDA but there's a lot going on.   I want to do a lot and this blog was certainly one of the best things that I've done in a long time.  Doing a bunch of creative projects at the same time, while having to deal with pesky things like finals and family.

Still in the place that I've been put in, I can't say I'm not glad to have it be done with the whole thing.  I mean I've been having some trouble keeping up with the whole thing.   I want to just sleep and relax a little and while not doing the blog for a couple of days might let me do that, it's more about the fact that I'm going to be done very soon with the finals and things.

It is really nice having this blog though to record my voice and thoughts.   It'll be nice to get back to it eventually.   Hopefully, it won't be too long before I get back to it.   Because enjoyment is the spice of life and I'm getting it from doing this.   Even just typing the words on the keyboard gives me some joy.  

I haven't been especially creative this month in anything else other than vlogging and blogging and doing the photo, but I'm doing it.   I'm figuring it out and I think that's all I can ask for.   Just to have it work out.

I hope anyone out there reading this is doing well.   Keep it going and show some love to someone you think could use it.   Because who knows, you could very well make that person's and it's something beautiful.

Living is something that's hard enough, but when we get bogged down with all the crap, it's very hard to see the great things staring us in the face.   And while I'm in that place bogged down with all the crap, it's getting easier to see through the fog.   Being tough is not necessarily my way of life, but it is something I try to do whenever I can.

Beda: Day 29: sleeeepy.

It's one of the last days of April which means VEDA, BEDA, and PADA are coming to a close and I'm feeling wistful but at the same time like not wanting it to be over.   Still, I've got a couple of things planned for the future.  

This is not the last you'll see of me.  I promise you.   I'll be doing daily videos everyday for the most part and when I don't I will try to get in a blog post.   I'll also try to get more photos and put them up on the Photo Life Nina because it's awesome. 

For now, I need some sleep, so I'm going to bed.   Hopefully after finals you will get better, more quality posts after this whole shindig. 

Beda: Day 22: Video Editing.

Well today was interesting.   I filmed a video at two thirtyish and didn't really want to edit.    And for me that's kind of an alarming sign.   Because I like editing videos.  I'm not very good at it.  I'm quite frankly, probably terrible at editing, but I do like do it.  I like having that time with a video to make it good.   And Not wanting to make it good and not even caring to edit, means I'm not that interested in the raw materials which is worrisome. 

Honestly, I didn't want to edit that video because I didn't like it.  I had no passion for it.  It didn't have my voice.   There was nothing really said in it.   That's a problem.   I did however, watch some YouTube videos by people I really like and one of my friends posted how she didn't feel like her video self the past couple of days.   And that inspired my video.   My video was taking my two lives and kind of conceding that I had them.   It's not that I never talked about my personal life on a video, it's just that there was the weird in between space that I was slipping into.

And out of that, even though I had to distort the color and find ways to make it look better, where you could see my whole face, I really enjoyed the video.   Maybe it wasn't the best sound or video editing, but I did like the video and that's really important to me.   I want to put out products that I like and I want to keep watching again and again.   And in those moments in that video I was very real.  I was the person that I wanted to be.

So the video was a success.   In other news, I haven't done any editing of the novel today.  I should probably edit chapter 3 before bed.    I'm going to do that.   Editing the book is a treat even if it is abnormally long to do so.   I just think there's so much potential for this book to go places.   I don't know if there is another book on the market like it, but I love it.   I love it.  I love that I spent so much time writing it.   And even then, to most people thirty days is nothing.  To me that's a commitment that I don't take lightly in the slightest.   And I like month long challenges.  It makes it easier to manage.   I can tick off days.

I mean look at what we've done here.   Blogs this month make up over half of this blog and I'm proud of that.  I don't know if I'll keep up daily blogging, but I'm certainly going to try.  This is freeing and this is also part of who I am.   I'm a writer through and through and if I didn't write how my day went everyday, where would I be? I don't know, but I certainly love doing it.

And with that, I think I'm going to go.  I still have another page of a paper I have to write as well as getting some sources down.   Don't worry though, I'll be back tomorrow and you'll have a grand ol' time.   Go put on some music and dance.

Beda: Day 17: Watching Stuff.

It's been an interesting day.  I'm trying not to like go to my instant start out for the blog which I notice I do quite a lot last night.   I was scrolling through and was like "Wow, I use the same phrase or a small deviation quite often."   So I'm trying to curb that thing, but yeah.  In the realm of Nina news, today was kind of a boring day.   You guys won't get much in the way of like super input on this one, but today I did watch a fantastic movie.  

I'd been meaning to see it for awhile and today I just had the time, so I did it.  I watched Closer.   This is a movie, I distinctly remember watching when I was younger than I am.   We've had it for several years.   And when I was younger and definitely more of an unfocused mind, I didn't find it that interesting.   I didn't really get the concept.  I was also too young to really understand like the severity of some of the things that happened in the movie.   I really enjoyed it though.  I mean it's a cautionary tale for anyone who thinks that there is the perfect romance out there, but it's good.  It raises some interesting questions about how humans especially now, with the internet, deal with love and sex.  

And then there is the wonderful beauty that is Buffy the Vampire Slayer season 3 because it makes me feel better.  I had kind of a shite day with the partner sitch and Faith in season three just makes me feel way more five by five.    I mean she just makes feel a lot less violent because I get to be violent through her.   Does that make any sense?   I don't really know.   But yeah, she's awesome and she's totally one of my favorite characters of all time.  She's also portrayed by Eliza Dushku and I'm pretty sure Eliza as Faith was the first person I'm pretty sure I ever had sexual feelings for.  Not weird, just a thing.  

So yes, I've pretty much had a really lazy day and you know what?  I'm kind of okay with that because tomorrow is going to be an interesting day.   I live for these kinds of weeks when I can alternate the crazy intense days with the lazy days because then I have a chance to relax.   I have a chance to regenerate.   Hopefully you'll forgive me for this kind of strange little blog today.   This was kind of an indulgent one for me, but I'm trying not to talk about the same things in the vlogs and I say a lot in the vlogs.

Beda: Day 15: Philosophical Musings.

So today for everything I've done, I have little to show for it.   And I guess I'm being honest with you guys, that's nice.   That's a good thing.   We've got this anything goes honesty policy here.   I've been a lot more candid in writing stuff than I ever have been on the video blog.  Mainly because I express really well through writing.  I know that I can piss people off even if it isn't my intent in writing and I think that's oddly freeing.   Like I'm so worried about how people perceive me on the video blogs and I take like constant recognition of the numbers, but here it's less of that.  I'm more open and more to the point, I don't really care.

You'd think because of my background and everything that it's pretty much sunshine and roses through my life, but it's not and I accept that as fact.  I accept that as something that happens in my life.   I find that kind of comforting as well.   But I love bright colors and I love fun fonts and that is something that makes me happy.    So if it makes someone else happy even for just a split second and reading my accounts of my day connect with someone than this really has done it's job.   And that's a good thing.   I feel a lot more that I don't have to have a lot of stress.    This serves a better ratio of pleasure to words ratio.

In other news that isn't strange and philosophical, I found a great song.   Like freaking fantastic.  It's beautiful and intensely creepy but it's something that I enjoy so much, so I'm going to share it with you.   This is from the guys who made Repo! The Genetic Opera, so you have something to compare it to and if you haven't seen that then you need to get yourself down to a video store and rent it sir or ma'am.

I mean isn't it fantastic?  It's so delightfully creepy.  I can't wait to see if they make this one into a movie like Repo! and if they do I'm going to go see it.   Because it's soo good.  And Terrance Zdunich is so gorgeous in makeup.   Seriously, he's fairly normally looking without it but god, when he has the makeup on, he instantly has hot factor.

Beda: Day 11: The Freaking Fire Alarm.

So today was an interesting day.  I didn't really have time to tell you guys about it earlier.    Well, technically that's not actually true.  I did have time.   I was just using that time to start writing a work of fictional lit.   Which is fine.  That's what I do.  You guys know I like doing that.   Because you have seen "Enigma" because I posted it here.   So you guys know about me being that kind of person.  But no, that wasn't even what it was all about.

So I went to Stage Makeup and we did eighteenth century ladies which always becomes this garish almost clown like makeup because these women were crazy.   And that was all good.   The results of that are in the vlog today and so it should be really good.  I think I'm going to unlist the clip of me taking all the makeup off.  I think that would be interesting for people to see.   I just don't know what's being discussed on the clip or what is possibly playing on my computer because it's quite possible that I'm playing music in the background. 

But yeah, I took the makeup off and got all of my stuff ready and I'm watching my bestie braid another friend's hair when THE FREAKING FIRE ALARM GOES OFF.  In the theatre building.  Last time that happened, I had like a whole cast of actors taking care of me and freaking out.   Because I'm epileptic and they love their stupid flashy lights for the fire alarm at school.   And my teacher was like oh, it's not a big deal and then we had to explain the whole thing which needless to say freaked her out a little bit.   But I got outside safely and without having any problems.   The strangest part was that they didn't know it was going on.   They had no clue what was going.   What happened?  Still not even sure. 

So I was a little bit anxious, but we were allowed to go back into the building and so me and my bestie went to dance class and it went off again right as I set down my stuff.   I headed out the doorway only for them to tell me it was a false alarm.   Now, needless to say, I'm like always accompanied when there is a fire alarm going off in the building because I pretty much have to stare straight down at the ground or close my eyes and need someone to guide me.   So this is a little insane.   But I got out of dance class because I didn't need to be around that and it was only that building that was going off.  Hopefully, they'll have fixed it by tomorrow.

But yeah, so I wrote for a long while.   Because I had wanted to do that for a couple of days and I just had a couple of things that I needed to that got in the way.  But today I got to write 1000 words.   So that was fun.   I really like getting into that zone where I can just type away.   It's a nice feeling.   And talking about that, I want to get back to it, so I'll see you soon.  

Beda: Day 2: Procrastination

Okay, so I'm reminded of a joke from a meekakitty video.   She said that her choir teacher told it.   He would ask "Who here is good at procrastination"....and then people would raise their hand and then he would say "Then, why do need to keep practicing it?" 

And yeah, I kind of wish that I had someone ask me that like a week ago when I should have been doing all this work that I'm doing right now.   Thankfully, good news is that I got all the printing done and now it's all writing the write ups.   Well, it's getting there.   From the time this is coming to you, I've probably been working on the writing for about an hour or two and I've gotten about half of it done.   And yeah, it's amazing what kind of fire you can get in when the fear of failing gets to you.

And I've always known I work the best under this kind of pressure that I have a deadline and I have to get it done and if I don't buckle down and do it immediately, that nothing will be done and there will be consequences.   But usually I have at least some of it done before the mass writing spree that is things that I do.  So yeah, I'm feeling a little stressed.   I did however get PADA and VEDA done for today before I settled into the thick of the article reading and stuff.

This is the first like really intensive project that I've had to do this semester and I feel a little bad for letting it slack for as long as I did, but it's not like there's something that I can do about it and at the end of the day if this is what I need to, I guess there's no arguing with that.   And it is good for my skin.   The crazy skin I have which constantly craves the stress.   Seriously, on Spring Break and relaxing weekends and stuff, I break out but such is not the case when I've got four major projects going on at the same time.   So anyway, yeah.   I just needed to talk about that. 

Because yeah, my life for the next couple of day is going to be articles whenever I can.   Hope this assignment comes out okay. :]

I'm attempting it: BEDA, VEDA, and PADA.

So yeah, I knew for a long time I was going to do VEDA (Vlog everday in April) but really decide to BEDA (Blog Everday in April) or PADA (Photo A Day in April) until well today.   Because I feel like I don't really have a lot going on and I want to spend as much time being creative as freaking possible, I'm doing all three.   I don't really know why.   But here it goes.   The journey begins.

Now I've already done my vlog for today and that was quite curious and kind of funny which I wil embed in this post at the end, and I've already done my picture which can be found at (The Photo Life Nina) , but now it's time for my blog post and rather than introducing for the entire post, I wondered what to write about and then it hit me.   I need to write about those things that really matter to me.   I really want to talk about being creative.

I've never not wanted to be a creative person.   The first job I can ever remember wanting as a kid was a professional writer.  I knew back then that making something, creating, was in my bones.   And I don't really approach that in any kind of special way.  When I want to create something, I do.   I've written excellent stories on this mentality and leaves me unfettered by that pesky writer's block or creativity block most of the time.   I'm not saying that it's not a monster in my life because as a creative person I don't think you can get away from it, but I think that sometimes it's easier to misdirect than it is sometimes portrayed.

That being said that sometimes it's not always the most efficient way to get things done and sometimes I need that schedule because I live for the routine even though that kills me a little bit inside.  So maybe doing this will do some good.  I already know that from filming, making a habit of doing something everyday makes it feel weird when I don't do it.   So let's carry that on into the rest of my creative processes.    Hopefully it won't suck and hopefully some of the gems that come out of this whole mess of creativity, I will be happy with because god knows what will happen if I'm not happy with at least some of it.   Actually nothing will actually happen.   I'm just being dramatic, like I do.

Still, this is a good thing and I'm excited even if it seems all very stressful right now.  Wish me luck! I love you guys and I hope you like this content that will coming at your faces in the next month.

A Day, Understood

So yesterday was really good and then it was a clusterfuck.   Now, I'm going to start with the bad news because I believe that I should leave this with a good taste in my mouth and I'm pretty sure you guys don't want to remember me being a downer, because I know how this works. 

Bad news was our power went off for several hours.   Gah, like seriously.   No Beuno at all.   It's not easy to relax when there's absolutely nothing going on.   Also the video that I started to post apparently shut off the the visual part of the video about a third of the way into it.   Just was not good.  There was some other stuff, but that's for another day.    Still, those were the two main points of the badness.  Did not like it one bit as you might imagine.

The good news is though that the video I was trying to record, I was recording it on my new camera.  Now I don't have to webcam videos anymore and I'm not strictly limited to inside the house now.  Yay!   That's always fun.   In a couple of days, I will be anxiously posting another video in which I pimp out for votes.   I would really like to go to Vidcon especially now that I have my awesome camera.  But there was also Hagen Daans Ice Cream last night which was delicious.    And I read two chapters out of Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban.

So everything was about even.   All in all, not a fantastic day, but not a horrible one where everything went wrong.   And I even got the video fixed.    And we got the power back as is obvious because I'm writing a blog post about, but whatever.    You know, I still couldn't live on a desert island because I could leave my modern comforts.

A Truly Simple Message

Running a blog, vlog, and going to school can be hard, but I'm determined.   With the recent influx of things to do, I still want to find time to record my life.  I know it seems strange but this is what our generation is about.   We have our entire lives recorded in some way and this is mine.  I want you guys to know the intimate details of my life.   Because I feel safe here on the internet.

And some people may not like that I'm doing this, but it's my way of expressing what I feel needs to be expressed and I say to those people who take issue SUCK IT!  I'm not about cowtowing to anyone's needs but my own.   I have a belief system that works and whether you think it is right or wrong is not my problem.

I'll make mistakes.   I'll say it.   I'm not afraid of it.   I'm a human just like you and I'll make mistakes and say things that I didn't mean or that are factually wrong or aren't something that you agree with.   I'm also honest, sometimes to the point of cruelty, but I fear what our culture becomes when we aren't honest with each other.   Especially with the blanket of anonymity of usernames and comments.  

With all that said, I think it's very clear that there's one thing I don't tolerate: Bullshit.   Yep.   There is nothing you can do to make me angrier than to make up shit stories and stuff and do things that in any moral view are wrong.   I'm not picking on disabled people and neither should you.   Now, this is a personal belief but it's just an example.   I will call you out.   Because I don't have time to put up with what other people say and trying to beat around the bush.   If you say something that bothers me, I will tell you and I don't do it because I'm homophobic or sexist or racist or any other manner you could be discriminatory.  I don't see the world through those kinds of lenses.  

At the end of the day we only have so much time here on this planet and I don't want to spend it regretting not being honest.  For me the bigger issue that I often get called things without a second glance because I've just been honest with someone.  And while I see through the lens of honesty, sometimes it can be tricky navigating all the relationships I have.   But I hope that our relationship is clear.  I'll be an open book with you and you'll know exactly how I feel.   Things just need to be said and I hope that at least some people out there agree with me.