Beda: Day 19: The Problem With Person X.

It's early in the morning and we need to talk.   This is something that I would never put on the video blog because this is for the people who really want a deeper perspective on me and this is not something I would really ever share on my video blog.  I've had someone very recently come up, I won't tell you their relation to me or call them by their name because who knows who could be reading this out there, so for now, I want to tell you about person X.   Person X has been in my life for a long time but never really a part of it. 

My problem with Person X is that they don't really seem to care about me.   They don't seem to care about my feelings or interests and due to the somewhat forced bond we have, it's hard to just cut X out of my life completely.   That's what I want to do though.   This person has made no effort to understand who I am as a person.   X doesn't care if they hurt my family members with the way they use their words.  And they just generally have no idea with what's going on in my life.

Normally, if this was anyone else, I wouldn't care.   X, it would seem, is different because they can make the people around me feel inadequate and I'm just I want to be done with it.   We're never going to have the relationship that we should and so I should just be able to drop it, shouldn't I?  I mean there's nothing wrong with people who don't want to be friends and/or family to me.   I'm cool with that.  I don't have to have everyone like me.   What seems to be the problem is that I'm kind of bowing to social pressure by having this relationship with Person X in the first place.

In an ideal world, I could tell Person X to fuck off with their bullshit, that I live my life they way I want to and if they disapprove then they can go marry a squirrel for all I care.  I know that would hurt a lot more people than just Person X though.   Because unfortunately, by doing that, I open up the possibility that they go after someone else that I deeply care about and I'm just tired of it.  I'm tired of hiding but I'm also tired of the fake faces.   Just tell me who you are.   I don't want to guess.  I'm not an audience member and this is not some high art play about the importance of beauty.   This is real life and it shouldn't be as complicated.

I guess the moral of this story is that being an adult blows.   Especially when you realize you can't just tell the bully in your life to go blow some hot air out their ass.   Person X has ceased being important in my life and if they don't want to be their for the defining moments, I don't care.   I have plenty of family and friends who love me just the way I am and couldn't be happier to be at the moments that will make my lifetime up.  Person X, don't be surprised when you're not invited to my awesome wedding.   If you don't accept me now, you'll never accept me when I'm married to a great man or woman of my choosing.   Have a nice life.

It feels good to say it.   If only for a second and with vague details surrounding it.   I'm me and that's all I'll ever hope to be.

Beda: Day 14: Pottermore and Libraries.

Today had some exciting moments in it.   I mean I know it's Saturday and I stayed at home all day but no, it was actually really cool.   I had a really good time.   The main thing being I'm still on track for all of my April Challenges.  I'm still doing really well and that's great.  I get these feelings and it's good stuff.  It's high energy and it's the works.   And I want to finish.  Like it's seemed like even though I'm doing all of these projects at the same time that April has kind of stretched out and decided to lounge a little bit, which is nice, but also a little bit distressing.

But onto the first good thing that happened today, and that is that Pottermore opened.  I mean I've been excited about Pottermore ever since it was announced.  Then it took forever for it to be released to the general public and I was checking the Insider everyday to see what was happening.   But today was the day I could get in and get rolling with it and it was awesome.  I signed up and started getting into the first book which was pretty amazing.  The first book is the hardest to read even though it's on a very basic reading level because it has to set up so much stuff for the later books.  With Pottermore it was actively engaging and I could see where it might not be as boring to read anymore.   So that was definitely a great advantage.

I didn't go far into it, I only finished through about chapter seven which I suppose is a little than half of book one, but still, it was so nice to see the dream finally coming to life.   I said I didn't really care about this part, but I lied.  I did care.    I cared a lot about this part and now that I have it, it's wonderful to see what good and new things are coming out of it. 

The only kind of bittersweet thing about this is that I couldn't tell my best friend about it the second I got into it because he's at some kind theatre boot camp thing.   But I guess that will make it even more exciting when he comes back.   It's one of those things I'm really excited to share with him.   Because Harry Potter formed a big part of our bond and it's exciting to have this new information to discuss and share with each other and gab about.  

And I went on a little bit of a Google Image Search for wallpapers and found plenty of amazing ones.  I don't tend to go with anything except really cool designs that are very futuristic, very sci-fi.   I know that I'll even go and put very specific video game titles in the search along with city scape to get the kind of wallpaper I'm looking for.  But today was cool libraries and futuristic libraries and boy did I find plenty?  I'm just super glad to find that kind of design element to put as my wallpaper because what could express more of my personality?  I don't really think anything could.   And so with that I bid good night.   I hope everyone is having a great weekend and I'll see you tomorrow.

Beda: Day 13: A Love Story.

I fell in love and all at once.   Now, that's kind of a bold thing to say about another person.  I mean people are fickle creatures but there are other things that it makes sense to say such dramatic phrases about it. Like the art of Drama.  See what I did there?   Yeah, that's kind of my thing.   So I hoped you liked it. 

But I actually mean it.  I fell in love and all at once.  And I do this quite a lot with fiction.   I find something in it and I fall hopelessly in love with the idea.   It's what makes any type of story no matter what the medium matter.  You have to love it.   And love doesn't necessarily mean like it.   You can love a play and not like it.   You can "not love" the message, but it has to stir as great an emotion as love.   There's no two ways about it.   If it doesn't do that, then it's just meh and no one wants to be remembered as meh.  In fact no one is, because meh doesn't get a whole lot of talk.

Tonight's acquisiton of love was with Cabaret and all the performances.  Now, as needing to see the show anyway, it wasn't like anyone forced my hand to see the show.   In fact, even if I hadn't needed to see I would have wanted to and made the time to come.   Many of my friends were in the production and well, I want to support them.   But above all that, they are professionals.   They are actors who love the stage and the act of performance and they gave a stand up act. 

That's something I really haven't seen. The Stand-up act.   This is a show that everyone stood for at the end because it was beautifully done.   It was skillfully executed and your heart broke with characters.   You knew what was happening and you felt it in your bones.   It wasn't just an act.  It was a real and that's the best thing that a performance can do.  It can make you feel the realness of the situation.

And with it, I give my heart gladly.   There was so much to talk about.   And I would reccomend that anyone see a production if they can.   It's something important.  It made me sad to hear the chatter around me that people didn't know it was about Nazis.  I was pretty sure everyone knew that much.   Or at least that they might have the decency to look a few things up before they came to the show.   But I won't  complain too much because the theatre was full and everyone stood.   That is all I can wish.   And I know that the Theatre is still alive and kickin' no matter what Hollywood has to say about it. 

There will always be theatre.   There will always be the people who go to Theatre productions and for that, I can only say thank you.   It's a magical place that I hope everyone has a chance to see something from at least once in their lives.   Because it's something that just old people do.   It's something that people do because they have a love of a performance.   And love creates love.