Writing and Design.

With all the craziness of school and a couple of other things, I've neglected my poor little blog and I'm sorry for that.  My dad is leaving tomorrow and I've already had the pangs because I know he's going to leave.   And that kind precognition does not make things easier.   As I've grown up and understood more of the fatality around the world, it gets scarier to let him go without a swell of emotion.   But this isn't entirely about that.   This is about being in a place where I can write again.

I'm writing what could concievably become a book.   I've written about 6K in words and I'm very excited for this.   Because it means I'm writing again.  And it doesn't mean it's great, but I just want to get back into it.  I want to say this first and foremost, my books don't particularly mention race, so they could be given to the mind's eye as whatever color the reader feels comfortable with, but in my mind, I've always seen them as white.  It's not because I don't like other races, it's just that's what I'm most comfortable with.

I feel like if, hypothetically, I were really rich and famous from my books and I were to come out and say that even though my books do not portray skin color as a defining factor of that I might be ostracized because I don't care.   I mean the color of the person on the book doesn't really matter to me so much as the people inside the book.   And I tend to get books that have less of a person on them and more with an abstract design that totally represents some part of the book.  It's not that I don't like books with people on the covers, because that's not true, but it's just something I've been thinking about.

Because I eventually want my books to go into print and I want them to be accessible to all readers, not just the ones who pick it up because they like the person on the front of the book.   That's silly.  I don't like to do it that way.   But I'll be updating you guys on how this is going and hopefully it will become something wonderful.

Let's just say that if I could finish two novels this year, I would be extremely happy.  I would be over the moon.   That would just be so incredible.   I've always wanted to do this.  I've always wanted to be a novelist, but up until recently, I've never found that I could complete them.   Maybe this has started a new chapter in my life and if it has, I'm incredibly excited to see where it leads because this is just as much of a mystery to me as it is to you.   Thanks for being with me.   Thanks for taking the time and knowing I had to relax.  I'll always come back to you guys though.  I always do.

Beda: Day 4: Allergic Reactions

So today I was sick for a while.  I'm actually probably still sick.   That's the horrible thing about being sick is that it doesn't really just go away.   You have to barrel through it.   And you know, if it was just that I may have survived without medication.   But as always things couldn't be that f'ing simple.

So for those of you who don't know I take a stage makeup class.   In the time that I've been in this class I've never used the spirit gum till today which was honestly probably a good thing.   It's a special adhesive used for sticking stuff to skin and stuff for the screen and stage because sometimes you have to look a little different.

Today, our assignment was to do a scar which we did on our inner forearm which is a very reachable place and also probably a lot less sensitive than face skin.   So I got my scar made out of tissue done and i paint some of the spirit gum on my arm, not a big deal.   Lay down the scar, still not a big deal.   Everything goes fine until I start to put the massive amount of spirit gum it takes to keep this magical scar in place at which point my arm starts to itch.

I didn't really think anything of it.  I have sensitive skin that can change what it likes and dislikes on a dime.   So I just thought I was being a wuss about this, until I took the scar off, at which point where it had been laid started forming a rash.  And people started freaking out around me.   So yeah, I took my spirit gum remover which was within reach and basically got it off as quickly as I could and then the rash went down which was good, turned out to be just an irritant that I have to be careful of.   I love being in the theater but having sensitive skin is really hard in the business.   Just have to live and learn.  And that's what I've done. 

Doesn't seem as scary now, but it certainly did in that moment when everyone else was freaking out about me which normally doesn't happen at all.

Judgment

It doesn't matter how many times someone says that they liked what you did, if they don't pick you it's always a little bit heartbreaking.  

And yes, I speak from experience.  many many many times.   The reason that it's relevant right now is I entered this contest to potentially go to a convention that could quite possibly change my life.   There were about 70 contestants including myself, and I didn't get into the top ten.   Now, I know that's not something I should bummed about but I am.

I won't stop making videos, but it's really hard to be judged and not be good enough to be on someone's top list.  Especially when no matter how irrational or unjustified it is, you felt like you were better than some of the people who got into the top ten.   Still, I'm glad my friend got in to that top ten and I'm glad that she'll have that chance.   Because she's freaking awesome.   It would have been a little less awesome to compete against her.

Seriously, I'm glad I didn't have to.  I'd never have won that way.   She definitely deserves that.   Still, keep being awesome, because I love you guys soo much.