It's early in the morning and we need to talk. This is something that I would never put on the video blog because this is for the people who really want a deeper perspective on me and this is not something I would really ever share on my video blog. I've had someone very recently come up, I won't tell you their relation to me or call them by their name because who knows who could be reading this out there, so for now, I want to tell you about person X. Person X has been in my life for a long time but never really a part of it.
My problem with Person X is that they don't really seem to care about me. They don't seem to care about my feelings or interests and due to the somewhat forced bond we have, it's hard to just cut X out of my life completely. That's what I want to do though. This person has made no effort to understand who I am as a person. X doesn't care if they hurt my family members with the way they use their words. And they just generally have no idea with what's going on in my life.
Normally, if this was anyone else, I wouldn't care. X, it would seem, is different because they can make the people around me feel inadequate and I'm just I want to be done with it. We're never going to have the relationship that we should and so I should just be able to drop it, shouldn't I? I mean there's nothing wrong with people who don't want to be friends and/or family to me. I'm cool with that. I don't have to have everyone like me. What seems to be the problem is that I'm kind of bowing to social pressure by having this relationship with Person X in the first place.
In an ideal world, I could tell Person X to fuck off with their bullshit, that I live my life they way I want to and if they disapprove then they can go marry a squirrel for all I care. I know that would hurt a lot more people than just Person X though. Because unfortunately, by doing that, I open up the possibility that they go after someone else that I deeply care about and I'm just tired of it. I'm tired of hiding but I'm also tired of the fake faces. Just tell me who you are. I don't want to guess. I'm not an audience member and this is not some high art play about the importance of beauty. This is real life and it shouldn't be as complicated.
I guess the moral of this story is that being an adult blows. Especially when you realize you can't just tell the bully in your life to go blow some hot air out their ass. Person X has ceased being important in my life and if they don't want to be their for the defining moments, I don't care. I have plenty of family and friends who love me just the way I am and couldn't be happier to be at the moments that will make my lifetime up. Person X, don't be surprised when you're not invited to my awesome wedding. If you don't accept me now, you'll never accept me when I'm married to a great man or woman of my choosing. Have a nice life.
It feels good to say it. If only for a second and with vague details surrounding it. I'm me and that's all I'll ever hope to be.
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