Writing and Design.

With all the craziness of school and a couple of other things, I've neglected my poor little blog and I'm sorry for that.  My dad is leaving tomorrow and I've already had the pangs because I know he's going to leave.   And that kind precognition does not make things easier.   As I've grown up and understood more of the fatality around the world, it gets scarier to let him go without a swell of emotion.   But this isn't entirely about that.   This is about being in a place where I can write again.

I'm writing what could concievably become a book.   I've written about 6K in words and I'm very excited for this.   Because it means I'm writing again.  And it doesn't mean it's great, but I just want to get back into it.  I want to say this first and foremost, my books don't particularly mention race, so they could be given to the mind's eye as whatever color the reader feels comfortable with, but in my mind, I've always seen them as white.  It's not because I don't like other races, it's just that's what I'm most comfortable with.

I feel like if, hypothetically, I were really rich and famous from my books and I were to come out and say that even though my books do not portray skin color as a defining factor of that I might be ostracized because I don't care.   I mean the color of the person on the book doesn't really matter to me so much as the people inside the book.   And I tend to get books that have less of a person on them and more with an abstract design that totally represents some part of the book.  It's not that I don't like books with people on the covers, because that's not true, but it's just something I've been thinking about.

Because I eventually want my books to go into print and I want them to be accessible to all readers, not just the ones who pick it up because they like the person on the front of the book.   That's silly.  I don't like to do it that way.   But I'll be updating you guys on how this is going and hopefully it will become something wonderful.

Let's just say that if I could finish two novels this year, I would be extremely happy.  I would be over the moon.   That would just be so incredible.   I've always wanted to do this.  I've always wanted to be a novelist, but up until recently, I've never found that I could complete them.   Maybe this has started a new chapter in my life and if it has, I'm incredibly excited to see where it leads because this is just as much of a mystery to me as it is to you.   Thanks for being with me.   Thanks for taking the time and knowing I had to relax.  I'll always come back to you guys though.  I always do.

Beda: Day 30: Thoughts from the end.

So this is the last Blog in a row for BEDA but there's a lot going on.   I want to do a lot and this blog was certainly one of the best things that I've done in a long time.  Doing a bunch of creative projects at the same time, while having to deal with pesky things like finals and family.

Still in the place that I've been put in, I can't say I'm not glad to have it be done with the whole thing.  I mean I've been having some trouble keeping up with the whole thing.   I want to just sleep and relax a little and while not doing the blog for a couple of days might let me do that, it's more about the fact that I'm going to be done very soon with the finals and things.

It is really nice having this blog though to record my voice and thoughts.   It'll be nice to get back to it eventually.   Hopefully, it won't be too long before I get back to it.   Because enjoyment is the spice of life and I'm getting it from doing this.   Even just typing the words on the keyboard gives me some joy.  

I haven't been especially creative this month in anything else other than vlogging and blogging and doing the photo, but I'm doing it.   I'm figuring it out and I think that's all I can ask for.   Just to have it work out.

I hope anyone out there reading this is doing well.   Keep it going and show some love to someone you think could use it.   Because who knows, you could very well make that person's and it's something beautiful.

Living is something that's hard enough, but when we get bogged down with all the crap, it's very hard to see the great things staring us in the face.   And while I'm in that place bogged down with all the crap, it's getting easier to see through the fog.   Being tough is not necessarily my way of life, but it is something I try to do whenever I can.

Beda: Day 29: sleeeepy.

It's one of the last days of April which means VEDA, BEDA, and PADA are coming to a close and I'm feeling wistful but at the same time like not wanting it to be over.   Still, I've got a couple of things planned for the future.  

This is not the last you'll see of me.  I promise you.   I'll be doing daily videos everyday for the most part and when I don't I will try to get in a blog post.   I'll also try to get more photos and put them up on the Photo Life Nina because it's awesome. 

For now, I need some sleep, so I'm going to bed.   Hopefully after finals you will get better, more quality posts after this whole shindig. 

Beda: Day 28: Seeing Sissy.

I loved Today.   Today was a good day in so many ways.

The biggest being that I got to see my sister.   My sister who is in AIT and can't stay over for a weekend likes to hand out with us still and I'm just lucky to have her.   She likes to do things with me and it was just glorious.   Due to respect to her, I didn't  film anything in the day, but it was so cool.  

We got lunch, did some shopping, went to get coldstone, did some more shopping and then came back home and ate dinner and watched a bit of TV together.   Sounds like a freaking awesome day I know.   You wish you were living my life. 

But in all seriousness, that was probably one of the first times that I've been out of the house for something that wasn't school related in a long time.   and i'm just so stinking glad I got out of the house.   it was one of those things, like cleaning, that I had been putting off for a long time and finally did and realized how much easier life would have been if I had done that a whole lot sooner.   All reinvorgorated and stuff.

So yeah, that was my day and now after walking around so much my leg hurts and I'm tired but I wouldn't change it for the world.   Because it's what I wanted and what Needed.   Anyone telling me otherwise is wrong.

Beda: Day 27: Nothing. I got nothing.

God, I'm tired but I swear on my life I'm getting these things out everyday.   I'm not really gonna post anything special.  In fact, only a couple of lines of text and I'm about done.  Early on in the evening I drank something I knew would make me sleeping before editing, it's not BEDA's fault or VEDA's fault for doing that, it's mine.   But honestly, nothing happened today but that I had a bunch of brats in my face because people send me their kids for an hour.  I don't  like kids.  At all.

Beda: Day 26: Keeping up.

Coffee in bed is wonderful.  Especially when you have only the nightstand light on, it's like starring in a film that's written about you.   The weird and strange you that people find quirky but loveable and while Coffee is certainly a great goddess in my life, she's not the thing I want to talk about, those she does make me look quite film-ly.

Today, I thought would be good for some introspection on how we've been doing.  Now, other than that mishap this week of essentially falling asleep while I was doing 80 million things and forgetting to post, I've done this everyday for 26 days.    That's pretty amazing.   Honestly, it's what I wanted from this blog.   I wanted it to be a daily thing full of love like this.   With weird little dabbles of what I've been up too and funny stories from me.   That's what I wanted.   I wanted something that my kids could say mommy was crazy or mommy had some strange antics and opinions.  This is something I've wanted.

I've also been trying to be good about doing them at consistent times with sometimes changing it up a little bit because some creative challenges are good for the soul.  

But yeah, we're keeping it up because we're cool kids like that.    I never thought that this dream would become a reality.  a place where I can live my thoughts and memories behind and then getting into theatre and fillm is just brilliant and there are so many things to do.   I mean there were so many people that I want to please but there are also so many people that I don't give a fuck about it.   But this is for everyone.   This is who I am and who I want to be.   The crossrads seems a definite choice right now that's a not a very hard choice to choose from

Beda: Day 25: Creative Chaos.

You know, there's something that feels so right about being in a clean room.

I'm not saying that for no purpose.   Good news on the productivity front, I cleaned my room today and god it feels so good to be in a clean room rather than one that has everything everywhere.   I mean I like all the stuff being in the room but sometimes you have to get some of the stuff out of your life.   I don't care who you are.  It's just part of life and growing up.   Sometimes, the best way to detox is to throw stuff away.   My 13 year old self would not believe I would be giving myself this advice, but it's true 13 year old me.   We're throwing stuff away and you're going to like it.

Now, don't get me wrong, I love my creative chaos as much as the next person and it's all very nice to have that freedom of putting things anywhere, but sometimes you just need to contain it to boxes.   And really I guess that was all I was really looking for.  Because I mean things were getting everywhere and I just I couldn't think with all the things thinking at once and being like "Hey, we need lives too.   You're gonna pay attention to us right?" 

On the list of successful things I've done today, that has not been the only thing though.  I got a photo done.  And I got my dance paper turned in.   Not sure if the paper made any sense or I just repeated the one sentence in different words a bunch of times, but who know?   I don't even care.   I'm just gonna be superfly right now and just be like "fuck it, I get what I get"  I know that's not a great attitude to have towards classwork, but it's been a long semester and I just want to finish.   I however, have not, started on my makeup morgue which I actually need to get cracking on.   So I suppose tomorrow when I have free time I should do that.  

For right now, I'm going to count the little things.   I've been very good about getting stuff done on time and when it needed to be turned in.   So I have confidence in myself that I'll do it this time too.   Just can't worry.

Seriously, being in a clean room makes me really relaxed and it didn't even take that long.  Only a couple of hours and most of that was sorting through some of the junk that I was like, um, I should probably throw this out already and I already have that file stored on my computer, I can junk it.  But hey, sometimes you just got to think about those moments.

Hope everyone had a great day and I wish you all the best for tomorrow.